Dedrick Flynn

What the fuck's up, y'all? Yeah, I'm fucking sick of AI, and I can sit, did we have Waymoos down here, and it's been pissing me off because, like, I thought I was away from them. But then sometimes if you order an Uber down here, Because the number you order an Uber, you put your phone down, you know, the car is coming. But they have this thing on Uber where, like, they'll just sneak in a Waymo. And you have, like, 10 seconds to say whether or not you want to see somebody. And they tricked me, right? I was coming down here to do a show. And I was coming setting up. And then the Waymo comes. I was like, okay, what the fuck is this? And I get in the Waymo. And Austin, they shut off certain streets where the Waymo can go. Now, I only live five minutes from the mothership, nigger, and I know the way there, but when I got in the car, it said 35 minutes away. Absolutely not, nigger. I've been watching way too many fucking Italian mafia movies. You can't even be in the car with your friend. If that nigger take a turn, you don't never take you. Like, where are you taking me? And so I'm over here, like, I was looking in the back for the nigger that was going to shoot me. Like, I was like, look at it. But then the seatbelt thing kept going on. There was like, we will stop the car if you don't put your seatbelt on. So I just plugged in the seatbelt. And I kept looking for the little nigger driving the car that was going to shoot me. But then it kept like rerouting, rerouting over and over again. And then it pulled into a gas station, right? It pulled into a gas station that nobody who was driving would stop there because the gas station exit was blocked off by two cops with their lights on facing the direction that we had to leave out the fucking... So the waymo is stopped with two cops in front of it. I'm not going to lie to you, nigga. I was high, right? I was high. And so I was like, this is what they're doing, right? This is what they're... This is where... If you got a warrant, the fucking Waymo's will bring you to the cops and then drop you the fuck off, right? I'm sitting in the car, right? I'm sitting in the car. I'm just trying to kill Tony said, I'm sitting in the back seat and they got their lights on and then the cops going to they was like, booed the car and I was like, nigga, I can't. Like you know what I said? I can't pull the car. So I rolled down the window and I was like, it's a Waymo and it was like Dark Storm and I was like yeah, I'm trying to go to kill Tony but they thought I was in control of the car because I was doing that Professor Storm bit with a lab coat and I was like this nigga's obviously the scientist behind the fucking Waymo's and so I had to hit the call button and being like, nigga, I can't go nowhere. I'm supposed to be and killed Tony. And the lady's like, calm down and knows where it's going. I said, nigga, no and don't. I said, Nick, no and don't. It's one street that I was supposed to go on. And she was like, calm down. Like, don't get your feelings. I said, bitch, you can't hurt my feelings. You ain't the Atlanta Falcons. Like, you can't. That's my time. I love y'all.

What you know about? Stop lying to me. If you got an OnlyFans, you have Adderall. Then why are you so motivated for your OnlyFans? I'm tired. Help me. Every girl with an OnlyFans got an Adderall and a vape prescription that she drop on the floor. Oh, okay, I'm the only one dating a nigga with an OnlyFans. Don't nobody get no pussy. Speaking of addictions, why didn't anybody prepare us for the disappointed judgment of asking another adult for a charger? Why them niggas so upset at us? They treat us like you a child. They look at you like you fucking child. You don't have a... Oh, mommy didn't pack a charger for you. You didn't know. So let me ask you a question. What adult decision did you make when your phone was at 43%? Did you put it on low power? No. Actually, you know what? We're not going to give you a charger. We're not going to give you a charger. Because in this household, we don't believe in enabling. And I'm like, hey, this is a bar. If I don't have a charger, I can't pay, right? Because I needed electronic money. And then you don't even know the eye roll somebody give you once you tell them that you have an Android. You like an even bigger child. I went to Atlanta this weekend, and I used to bartend out there. And I saw one of my crackheads that used to, like, clean up the bar. And I was like, and I walked up to him. He was like, Mr. Showtime. I was like, I'm not on Showtime. I'm on YouTube and Netflix twice, right? And I said, why don't you get your crackhead ass away from here? He said, hey, I ain't no fucking crackhead. I just do crack. Crackhead steal from they mama, and I would never do that. So I gave that nigga $15. You know what I'm saying? Because you don't want to tip a nigga that looked like he stole from his mama before. Okay, y'all don't got homeless people. What do we do? All right, I'm done.

I'm still drunk from early Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise. One more time. Professor Darkstorm. For Professor Dark Storm. Will someone help him with his tripod that he definitely never practiced setting up before? This is absolutely incredible. Hey, Tony, you sit on tripods. Okay. All right, David Lucas Ultra Light. Hold on a second. Just set up your tripod before you start trying to roast me. You really are drunk right now. No, I'm distinguished. That, guys, help him with this tripod, please, for the love of God. I don't know. This is first time showing up. They don't pay me good enough to get a fucking easel that can work. Guys, Professor Darkstorm, can I talk to you guys? Women often talk about that they have to go to a gas station to get aggressive compliments, right? And they complain about it, but I would like to ask you, ma'am, what do you know about having to bartend a brunch and you have to bartend for a bunch of drunk, single moms drinking milferitas? You know what a milferita? So a milferita, a milferita is a margarita drinking by drunk moms, right? And they get more aggressive with their compliments from how long they've been stuck with kids and how horny they are once they keep drinking the margaritas. Right? Because alcohol is a spirit. It is a spirit, and tequila is a spirit that makes you fun and a hoe. It makes you fun and a hoe. And they're going to say things very aggressively as you keep serving them, the milferitas, and they'll be like, you know I've had chocolate before. They say that to me, right? But to keep the tips going, you have to flirt. You be like, bitch, you keep campaigning. You're going to get elected. Right? Because I love drunk single moms. Right. And the problem with drinking is some people think that you have to stop drinking, but I think you should upgrade your drinking. You can't be old and drinking two ingredient cocktails, right? Because if you get pulled over by the police and you have seven Vacaerables, it is immediately jail. You have a DUI, you are going to jail, and you have to put that thing in your car to breathe in there. But if you get stopped by the cops and you say, sir, I had seven vodka martinis, he's going to be like, Senator, what are you doing out here? What are you doing? We'll drive your car home. We all have to go to work tomorrow. I know you. My favorite thing to drink, though, regardless of it, I like to drink. I'm kind of pissed off. to the fact that you can get to go wine bottles, but you can't get to go box wine, right? Because I thoroughly believe in slapping the bag. Right? I thoroughly believe in slap in the bag. Slap in the bag is important. But you have to slap the bag like you slap your girl's ass because it sends the serotonin from their ass to their brain, right? And it reminds them that they are a bad bitch, right? And so you slap the wine bag, right, to send the serotonin through the bag and you got her trick because she's been a bad girl oh she's been a fucking bad girl she's been a bad girl you gotta slap the bag you like we don't talk like that in this fucking household how dare you say the N word you a white wine perfect the dark storm I'm out

What's up y'all? Dark storm just turned 36 2 days ago. So, dark storm. Dark storm. That I know I've changed as a person. I'm not scared of cops anymore because I call 'em. I do. I'm not scared of 'em. But I am still as terrified of state troopers. I don't want to get pulled over by a nigga with a mo of Kombat hat on. Like them, them niggas is way too serious. What if he take the hat and then cut the car in half? Like, but also like, 'cause like we in Texas, right? And the cops in Texas, some of these niggas is generational cops. Like my daddy was the sheriff and my daddy before that was a Texas ranger. It's kind of hard to lie to a nigga that's been trained to look for lies. And I don't like 'em. And it's scary. 'cause I'm from Georgia. And Georgia, our state pro troopers, we, it is called GSP. And we didn't have the only cop organization named after a hall of fame, UFC fighter George St. Pierre. And just like George St. Pierre, these niggas specialize in take downs, right? They special. Like if you wanna be a cop, be a cop. But if you fucking love pit maneuvers, nigga go be GSP. And if you think I'm lying, go on YouTube. And they have hours of compilations of these niggas pit maneuvering cars. They did it to me for a tag light. They did it to me for a tag light. And then I was like, why did you pit maneuver me? He said, well, I thought you was going to try to get away. I said, nigga, In the 2001 Honda, CRV. All right, how the fuck, what, what do you nigga pedal to the floor at 66 miles an hour? Like I, that's I get In the slow lane. 'cause that's my only lane. But I did, I, so I started like having a better relationship with cops because me and my nephew been watching Paw Patrol. I so, like, even if a drug dog pop up, I'm like, I can't wait to meet 'em. Like what if they, what if they bring Chase? Like, you know what I'm saying? That's my favorite papa draw.

Shout out Lauren Clancy. Postpartum is real. And I understand it. Not just 'cause a bunch of my homegirls had babies, but men go through that too. I call it post hard on depression. Some people call it post nut clarity, but I call it post hard on depression because at the end all of my kids die on somebody's face or back. I don't fuck with ai. I don't. I was in the Denver airport and I was coming to get on my flight and then I walked over and they had like a little aisle where you can like buy the snacks and shit. And normally they have somebody there like to ring it up. But you just put 'em on this like little table that automatically like gather how much you got and they give you a price. And I, I click to pay. And then it had a screen that popped up and it said, suggested tip nigga, I'm not tipping ai. I, that was the blackest I felt in a long time. Like my nigga, I'm not. And the first option was 25%. My nigga, you didn't do anything at all. And but, but I still felt America so I wanted to give him a chance. Right? Because maybe the person who stocked it was near, I said, Hey, If you the nigga that suck this shit, you got two seconds to come over here. Nobody came so I stole it. Ah, such fuck Deborah. But it is, but I don't fuck with ai. I was like Texas just passed a weed band and at first I was with it because I thought they was just trying to go against like Delta eight and like THCA, right? Because I don't believe in AI weed. You know what I'm saying? I don't, I don't believe in that shit. That shit is wrong. But then I found it was also THC in there and the reason why I don't fuck with Delta eight 'cause the nigga gonna try to sell it to you like it's supposed to be weed. And he's like, yo, it's just one molecule off from being weed. And I wanna let You know that one molecule is full of nano bytes, right? It's full of nano bytes because you ever met somebody who ate a weed edible. That nigga's still smart and giggling and having a good time. But anybody on the delta a edible is the stupidest nigga that you've ever met. Right? Because the nano bites get to your brain and them niggas up there deleting shit, You know what I'm saying? They deleting shit and shredding files. Right? You have your, you ever been high? If you have, you ate Delta eight and you look at your phone and it give you an ad for the thing you was thinking about. It is because of the wifi. Hit it. Right. You know what I'm just saying? If a nigga is high, he probably just eating. But if he eat Delta eight, that nigga is drooling. And you walk up to him, you're like, how is your day going? He's like, there was a fire earlier.