Kill Tony #762

Yoko Ono, the widow of Beatles great John Lennon just revealed she thinks he was gay. I think that explains some of the songs he wrote. Norwegian Wood Roll over Beethoven, Twist and Shout, this boy has my penis in his mouth. And by the way, are they ever going to make the Fred Flintstone car again? A guy in L.A. died after cutting his own dick off. Redban, what does it feel like not to have a dick? Oh, you use AI? Cool. I used it 20 years ago. It was called Miss Cleo. Bumbaclaat, rude to fly! Y'all may not know this, but Afex Twins' real name is Richard D. James. So when he goes on stage, he says, it's Rick James, bitch. Okay, th…

People take one look at me, and they're not really sure what they're looking at. I actually, I get misgendered. more often than any woman should. And that honestly, it doesn't bother me. It's usually by the same woman that works at 7-11. And she's trying her best guys. Yeah. It's like stepping on someone's toes, you know? I can't get mad at that. I'm not going to correct her. But if, like, someone ever wanted to be polite and ask me what my pronouns are, I will slap you in the face to let you know I'm a bitch. And people are shocked when they find out that I date men. It's just not often. I have one rule. They have to be more mas…

Good morning, Austin. How y'all doing tonight? So I'm into stud pussy. Anybody out there giving up to stud pussy? I've had a dream here recently. I wanted to do a threesome. And I was going to title it, Two Studs and Me. And we're going to quote it, no homo. Yeah. I've been in the Studs for a long time. Studs, tomboys, all that good shit. It's pussy as pussy as I feel like. As long as it don't look like me and it got tidies, Without a dick, I'm pretty cool with that, you know. All right. So, how y'all doing tonight? Right. All this is the funny-licking staff. Give up for the funny-looking staff, everybody. I think that's all I go…

Whoever created the phrase, it's not about the size of the dog in the fight. It's about the size of the fight and the dog. Clearly has never gambled on dog fighting. Always bet on the bigger dog. Ventriloquist. Ventriloquist. It sounds like such a thing. Fancier job title than what it is. Like it sounds like they all got together and decided on a ventriloquist because they're too afraid to tell their parents they wanted to fist cabbage patch dolls professionally. Do you guys think ventriloquists are just necrophiliacs with low self-esteem? Like they wanna mess around with lifeless things but don't have the confidence, you know? L…

My name is Joe, and because we're in Texas, I'm legally required to tell you all that I am trans. Don't worry, they took my guns at the door. Yeah. You're safe for now. I go by Joe, J-O. I used to go by Joe J-O-E. But like most things with transition, you just cut off the parts you don't like. Yeah. Speaking of guns, I actually do love guns. You know, us trannies are always packing something. And it's hard to conceal carry a glock when you're hiding a cock. Yeah, and I love my guns so much. You know, I really only came out of the... closet to make room for more guns. And because I'm on hormones, people ask me, and they say, is it…

What's going on here, guys? I'm Chad. I am from Ashgosh, Wisconsin. I am here on my birthday. If you guys don't know where Oshkosh is, that's where Chicago sends all their prisoners. That's right. Thing about turning 40 is more trips to the bathroom. And seeing that doctor visiting that bat cave every year, right? Some of the guys know about that, right? Here's some fun facts about me, right? I didn't learn the birds and the bees growing up. My uncle gave me a playboy, and I learned how to count backwards from Bill Cosby. that one takes a little bit to sink in. Speaking of Bill, did he still do stand-up in prison or was he the ch…

Hello. Yes, okay, my name is Trinity. I was named after the movie The Matrix. Have we seen it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In that movie, Trinity kind of serves as Neo-Salvation. She's like a foil to God. And I'm just sick and tired of being seen as men's salvation. So, like, last year I was proposed to three times. And I just, I am from Texas. So I want to know what it is about me that says come and take it. Because I'm going to show you fucking come and take it. All right? Oh, man. I just, it's, I canceled a date for this. I'll have you know. I'll have you know. And I went down by the docks. And so now I got some seawater on me and…

It's been really nerve-wrecking back there. Because I'm watching the people go before. It's like, Open Micah legend. I'm like, can I please be after, I'm gonna buy Trinity all the alcohol or medication she needs. After this, I was like, oh, actually, I know her. I'm like, oh, please suck. I don't give a fuck about your career, please. Anyway, but now comedy. So, I'm 33. I've never gone close to marriage. I can't look at you when I say this. I have to look at a man. I've never gone close to marriage. You guys can act a little surprise, by the way. I bought a new fucking shirt for this. Fucking act surprise. All right. But the reas…

I am Nate Hong Kong. Well, I was born and raised in Hong Kong, but I got a big dick, so you can just call me Caucasian. There we go. I have lots of Chinese friends as a result. Or just the one. I can't tell. Yeah. I actually, I failed my driver's license in Hong Kong. You know how fucking bad you have to be at driving? For a Chinese guy sitting next to you, shit scared to be like, I don't know, ah. I can law in good conscience, sir. You are a low hazard. No. I actually failed because I didn't hit enough of the traffic cones. What are you doing? You didn't call out of that family a four. All right, that's me

he first question I get usually is, and race am I? And I like to represent for half black, half German. Not what I'm saying? Not a lot of us out here, but we're out here. I think it's kind of funny how retarded guys. NBA players both say currency the same way. Money? Uh, see, I was playing on stripping, my bad. I was playing on stripping when I got out here, so I'm a strip. You feel me? First of all, we fuck with Whitney Houston, Austin? We fucking with Whitney Houston! I got caught in the rain before I came here. This ain't the first time this bitch got wet! It's not the first time!

I'm starting to think all Mexicans are Oklahoma Thunder fans because whenever I ask one for a favor they're always like okay see yeah dude I fucked a celebrity yeah dude it was a great time until I got kicked out of the wax museum yeah dude the fucking security guard that caught me he was like sir I need you to pull out of Buzz Light you're right now thank you yes let's see here Everybody measures the height of snow, but never the girth. Very stupid, yes.

My therapist told me I can't be a YN no more. A YN mean young n*gga. Because one, I'm 35, and that energy is dangerous with a n*gga with no ACLs. So now I'm on my WPN shit. It's a white people insurance. I just got health insurance. I did, I had you, because now I gotta start going to the doctor. I was against going to the doctor because my uncle told me at a young age, he was like, the emergency room is free. Right? And we lived based on that. And then after I went to college, I just started using my student loan debt because they won't let you die if you own student loans. Because student loans is the only thing that you could…