William Montgomery

Reddbbaaaaan. This summer at Bash at the Beach me and Mean Gene Oakerland are gonna tag team... your mmmooooom! I love how the Undertaker's manager was named paul bearer, if I were a wrestler, my manager's named would be Robin... William Blind. Okay let's keep moving... Fuckkkk. Remember when Redban's mom used to wrestle, I think her name was Yoko Zuna. No but seriously if I were a professional wrestler my manager's named would be Willy... Willy bad at booking me at any decent comedy clubs. If I were a wrestler my finishing move would be putting jet fuel in my mouth and spitting out flames, but then Alex Jones said jet fuel can't melt steel chairs.

Yoko Ono, the widow of Beatles great John Lennon just revealed she thinks he was gay. I think that explains some of the songs he wrote. Norwegian Wood Roll over Beethoven, Twist and Shout, this boy has my penis in his mouth. And by the way, are they ever going to make the Fred Flintstone car again? A guy in L.A. died after cutting his own dick off. Redban, what does it feel like not to have a dick? Oh, you use AI? Cool. I used it 20 years ago. It was called Miss Cleo. Bumbaclaat, rude to fly! Y'all may not know this, but Afex Twins' real name is Richard D. James. So when he goes on stage, he says, it's Rick James, bitch. Okay, that's my time, Tony. Wow. Tony, I thought that was going to be a rare Apex Twin when you laughed at. I thought I was going to get you with the Instagram. It's Rick James, bitch, part.

Tony, I'm about to be fucking threatening violence against RedBan's Maws. Pussy did I, this town is not Bigger. This town is not big enough for the both of us, said two clinically obese people. And by the way, Red Band, your mama was so fat. Now there's an Ozimic shortage. The Reverend Jesse Jackson just died, and I'm trying to figure out what he did to piss off Hillary Clinton. I asked Chad GPT to explain the concept of God in the shortest terms possible. It wrote back two words, Aifex twin. A Texas grand jury declined. to indict a man who shot and killed his daughter because she said bad things about Donald Trump. I'm no lawyer, but isn't that called Justifiable Homicide? Okay, that's my time, Tony.

Give Jeffery Epstein credit where credit is due. The guy had zero spam in his inbox. Meanwhile, StubHub emails me every hour asking, want to go to 17 concerts this weekend? I don't even get Viagra spam anymore. They're probably like, no, dog, this dude helpless. Don't even waste a digital stamp. Okay. Quick note, probably not the best timing, but when I was in Tucson recently, somebody stole my razor scooter so you know any help from the local authorities would be greatly appreciated okay that was that one let's keep moving uh so the mother of a morning show host goes missing and all y'all freak out where were y'all when the old blippy went missing oh look new blippy no explanation no outrage they replaced the blues clues host and we storm the capital Okay, that's my time. Thank you.

Did you all see this? email where Jeffrey Epstein's assistant asked him if they should invite Brian Reichel to the next big island party? Epstein replied, hell no, red man might frighten the kids. In Orlando, man was arrested for indecent exposure after neighbors saw him having sex with a vacuum cleaner. When asked to comment on his arrest, the man said, my balls are gone. I got banned from Antiques Road Show for issuing death threats after they refused to appraise my vintage bong collection. Catchers carved in pink ivory, you pompous prick. I read where Apex Twin now had more monthly listeners on YouTube than Taylor Swift. My only question is, which twin is it? Okay, that's my time. Tony.

My mother was watching the news the other night, and she heard people talk about doxing one another. She goes, honey, what is doxing? I said, oh, it's when two guys get in a ring and punch each other with their dicks. The waiter walks out and goes, who ordered the amber jack? I raised my hand and he sets it down in front of me. I look and I say, wait, this has whiskers. Have I literally been catfished? Can you imagine if you were a flat earther, like a depressed flat earther? And one day you tell your flat earther, friends, I really can't take it anymore. I'm just going to walk this way and I'm never going to stop. And they're all like, no, don't do it. No. And then around 80 days later, you show up from the opposite. opposite direction and you're in a hot air balloon and you're like, guys, y'all are never going to believe this. Okay, that's my time, Tony.