Alex Hertlein

I'm starting to think all Mexicans are Oklahoma Thunder fans because whenever I ask one for a favor they're always like okay see yeah dude I fucked a celebrity yeah dude it was a great time until I got kicked out of the wax museum yeah dude the fucking security guard that caught me he was like sir I need you to pull out of Buzz Light you're right now thank you yes let's see here Everybody measures the height of snow, but never the girth. Very stupid, yes.

Hell yeah dude. All right, so real quick, I just want to address this shit going on. 'cause whenever I do standup, most people are wondering why I look like my mom after she burnt dinner. Yeah, it's a, it's just a birthmark. My mom's fine. My dad would never hit my mom in the face. Okay. Only, only in the stomach when she was pregnant with me. That's how it happened. Yeah. But when people find out it's a birth mark, they usually hit me with something like, pardon me, Zuko. What was it like growing up? Part soccer ball and you know, obviously I got bullied and shit quite a bit. But dude, my childhood was actually way harder for my dad, bro. You got falsely accused of child abuse a lot. Yeah. Every day. Sir, why'd you give your 4-year-old the smoke? Like, dude, I remember this one lady was yelling at him so badly that like my little kid brain didn't know how to process it. So I would just shake and fear like Gordon Ramsey's wife when he is about to go down on her. Well thank you.