David Lucas

Yeah, I'm the last nigga in blackface. I'm dating a white girl now and what I have realized is that white women really love their dogs. I do believe if white women could give birth to dogs, they would. It's so weird. Like, I'm fucking with this white bitch and she got one of them little small bullshit-ass dogs. And I was at her house the other day and I was eating her husband. pussy with my fucking ass in the air on her bed. And her fucking dog jumped on the bed. And I'm like, hey, bitch, lock this nigga in his fucking cage. Because if he licked my ass, it's over with it. I knew I should have laid down a sniper position to eat that bitch pussy, bro. That's the best position to eat pussy fucking sniper, nigger, because you can fucking clench your ass cheeks and get some extra horse power in your tongue, you know. I'm a Christian, I do believe in God. But I also believe in reincarnation, you know what I'm saying? And I pray to God like once in mind. I'm like, God, if reincarnation is real, please don't let me come back as a nigger again. Please. I can't do this shit. It's too hard. I'd rather come back as a white person's dog. That's what the fuck. I would have come back as a fucking schnauzer name Winston. Because a white person's dog is the best treated fucking. animal on this fucking planet, dog. I swear to God. And then I think about it. I'm like, shit, I might want to come back as a rescue pit bull because, like, niggas would buy me and then they would abandon me and then I end up in a shelter and some lesbian would adopt me and then when she trusts me, I'd kill her. You know what I'm? All right, that's my time.

Yo BLM said there's no such thing as black on black crime. Well what I wanna know is, who was that nigga who broke into my house last night? He wasn't white. Trump said that Tylenol is making kids retarded. I do believe him because the last few bitches I had sex with all had retarded kids and they never let you know. They kids is retarded. They just put 'em in the back of the house and you gotta hear that nigga. I was in the middle of having sex with this one girl and next thing I know her fucking door busts and income 6, 6, 11 years old. Butt ass naked and dinosaur slippers. And I'm like, Hey bitch, what the fuck is that? She's like, that's my autistic son. I'm like, I almost shot this nigga bitch. I didn't, I didn't know you lived with a Texas chainsaw massacre. She was like, let me put him back to sleep. He was having a bad dream. I said, bitch, I'm having a bad dream. I just seen a retarded nigga's dick. How you think I feel? She was like, we can finish fucking, I'm like, I'm good. I don't want no more of that retarded producing pussy. You got my, my dick is inside of itself, But I'd motherfuck a bitch with a handicap kid than a retarded kid because like at least if she got a handicap kid, she probably drives a van And I like space and I'd sit in the front seat and recline my seat on that nigga's legs. I just be, I'd be like, shut up complaining nigga you can't feel them legs anyway. Alright. That's what I talk.

I've been falling asleep to black noise. It's just being falling asleep to black noise lately. of cops putting handcuffs on niggas, and the occasional smoke detector beep. Football season is here. Yeah. A lot of white guys play fantasy football. I've realized that fantasy football is virtual slavery for white guys. Because y'all get to pick your favorite nigger. Who runs the fastest? Who jumps the highest? I like that San Juan Barclay. That nigger jumped over somebody backwards last year. 300 years later, we still can't make money off of white man's back. There's no goddamn fantasy pickleball league.

Yeah, I do a lot of white shit. I hunt, I fish, I swim, I change the batteries in my smoke detector. It's so weird to me that black people will never hear those fucking smoke detectors. It's, it is like, it's fucking soothing to them. You know what I'm saying? I went to one of my friend's house the other day and his smoke detector was beeping. I'm like, n*gga you don't hear that shit. He's like, yeah, that mean it's working. What the... I'm like, no the fuck it's not. No but black people, we don't hear that shit. We don't change our fucking smoke detectors bro. You ever heard the saying, if you want to hide something from a n*gga, put it in a book. I didn't make it. I just repeated it. I don't think that's true. I think if you want to hide something from a nigga, you should put in a smoke detector. You know, because we never checked that shit. The fucking cure for diabetes is in the fucking smoke detector. Alright. That's about time to take you out.

Yeah. I love being black because, black people don't tolerate shit. Like black people don't like gay people. The only exception is if it's Tyler Perry or the choir director. Like black people don't like trans people.. they don't. And the reason black people don't like trans people, is because black people hate magic. You ever seen somebody do a magic trick on a n*gga? They take off running, they don't get it. They think it's evil. Like you will never see a black magician bro, because we think it's the fucking devil. But my friend did send me one black magician on Twitter the other day, and this motherfucker was the most n*ggerish magician I have ever seen. This motherfucker turned a dove into a spicy chicken sandwich. I'm like that's black magic...

Yeah. A plane in India just recently crashed heading to England and 176 Indians died. And since that plane crash, scam calls have been down 50%. Apple has no more tech support. It's crazy. You gonna call Apple and talk to a nigga that sound like me? You know what I'm saying? Can you help me with my phone? Have you turned that motherfucker off yet? Bitch, turn it off and turn it back on. I can only imagine what that plane smelled like. God damn bro. If I would've been driving that plane, I probably would've crashed into, oh no, when it crashed it probably smelled like somebody was barbecuing a goat. It was. They were like, who is barbecuing the no, tell us. It's so weird how women with purple and blue hair want us to give a fuck about the Middle East. You know what I'm saying? Like nobody really gives a fuck about the Middle East because if you did, you take your ass over there. If they want me to give a fuck about the Middle East, you gonna have to get a Middle East A NFL team. That's the only way. Yo, I love to watch the Palestine Packers, you know what I'm saying? All right, that's my time