David Lucas

The world is fucked up, and a lot of people are blaming it on the president, but I think the biggest problem that's plaguing the world is that fat girls have way too much confidence. Like, I miss the good old days when fat bitches will walk by you with their fucking head at the ground and shit. Now these holes walk by you where they fucking head in the sky. It's like, hey, bitch, look at the ground when you all past me. What the fuck is that? I hate that shit, bro. We've got to fucking coddle fat bitches feelings. You can't even call them a fat bitch no more. You got to call them shit like curvy or voluptuous or a BBW. But if you see a fat guy, It's like, look at this fat piece of shit. It's delusion. I hate it. Fat girls go to Lulu Lemon and buy the biggest pants they can and pull up their fucking belly button and then put a fucking halter top on and have one inch of stomach showing. It's like, bitch, I still see that fucking gut. Like, imagine if I did that shit. Imagine if I came in here with my pants above my belly button and I had a cutoff shirt. Y'all would be like, call the cops on this, nigga. What the fuck? But I do love fat girls. I think my favorite type of fat girls. fat girl is a fat girl that lost a lot of weight and she got that loose skin. I love them fucking loose skin bitches. I took one of them loose skin bitches to the swimming pool and she started swimming. That bitch was in the pool looking like a stingray. It was, oh my God, look at this bitch. You ever try to fuck one of them loose skin holes from the back, bro? Spreading out her ass cheeks is like spreading out bat wings, you know what I thought I was holding an endangered bird. I'm like, throwing a fat girl with loose skin on your bed is like folding out a blanket. You know what I said? This is like. Don't have a fan, though, that bitch's gonna start floating. Like, you can't get the, get the, all right, that's my time, y'all

Yeah, I'm the last nigga in blackface. I'm dating a white girl now and what I have realized is that white women really love their dogs. I do believe if white women could give birth to dogs, they would. It's so weird. Like, I'm fucking with this white bitch and she got one of them little small bullshit-ass dogs. And I was at her house the other day and I was eating her husband. pussy with my fucking ass in the air on her bed. And her fucking dog jumped on the bed. And I'm like, hey, bitch, lock this nigga in his fucking cage. Because if he licked my ass, it's over with it. I knew I should have laid down a sniper position to eat that bitch pussy, bro. That's the best position to eat pussy fucking sniper, nigger, because you can fucking clench your ass cheeks and get some extra horse power in your tongue, you know. I'm a Christian, I do believe in God. But I also believe in reincarnation, you know what I'm saying? And I pray to God like once in mind. I'm like, God, if reincarnation is real, please don't let me come back as a nigger again. Please. I can't do this shit. It's too hard. I'd rather come back as a white person's dog. That's what the fuck. I would have come back as a fucking schnauzer name Winston. Because a white person's dog is the best treated fucking. animal on this fucking planet, dog. I swear to God. And then I think about it. I'm like, shit, I might want to come back as a rescue pit bull because, like, niggas would buy me and then they would abandon me and then I end up in a shelter and some lesbian would adopt me and then when she trusts me, I'd kill her. You know what I'm? All right, that's my time.

Yo BLM said there's no such thing as black on black crime. Well what I wanna know is, who was that nigga who broke into my house last night? He wasn't white. Trump said that Tylenol is making kids retarded. I do believe him because the last few bitches I had sex with all had retarded kids and they never let you know. They kids is retarded. They just put 'em in the back of the house and you gotta hear that nigga. I was in the middle of having sex with this one girl and next thing I know her fucking door busts and income 6, 6, 11 years old. Butt ass naked and dinosaur slippers. And I'm like, Hey bitch, what the fuck is that? She's like, that's my autistic son. I'm like, I almost shot this nigga bitch. I didn't, I didn't know you lived with a Texas chainsaw massacre. She was like, let me put him back to sleep. He was having a bad dream. I said, bitch, I'm having a bad dream. I just seen a retarded nigga's dick. How you think I feel? She was like, we can finish fucking, I'm like, I'm good. I don't want no more of that retarded producing pussy. You got my, my dick is inside of itself, But I'd motherfuck a bitch with a handicap kid than a retarded kid because like at least if she got a handicap kid, she probably drives a van And I like space and I'd sit in the front seat and recline my seat on that nigga's legs. I just be, I'd be like, shut up complaining nigga you can't feel them legs anyway. Alright. That's what I talk.

I've been falling asleep to black noise. It's just being falling asleep to black noise lately. of cops putting handcuffs on niggas, and the occasional smoke detector beep. Football season is here. Yeah. A lot of white guys play fantasy football. I've realized that fantasy football is virtual slavery for white guys. Because y'all get to pick your favorite nigger. Who runs the fastest? Who jumps the highest? I like that San Juan Barclay. That nigger jumped over somebody backwards last year. 300 years later, we still can't make money off of white man's back. There's no goddamn fantasy pickleball league.

Yeah, I do a lot of white shit. I hunt, I fish, I swim, I change the batteries in my smoke detector. It's so weird to me that black people will never hear those fucking smoke detectors. It's, it is like, it's fucking soothing to them. You know what I'm saying? I went to one of my friend's house the other day and his smoke detector was beeping. I'm like, n*gga you don't hear that shit. He's like, yeah, that mean it's working. What the... I'm like, no the fuck it's not. No but black people, we don't hear that shit. We don't change our fucking smoke detectors bro. You ever heard the saying, if you want to hide something from a n*gga, put it in a book. I didn't make it. I just repeated it. I don't think that's true. I think if you want to hide something from a nigga, you should put in a smoke detector. You know, because we never checked that shit. The fucking cure for diabetes is in the fucking smoke detector. Alright. That's about time to take you out.