Kill Tony #745

Hey guys. Did you guys know that most of the fentanyl was manufactured in Japan. I was surprised in the beginning but, it kinda makes sense that they are making it in Japan, cuz police in Japan will never realize if people are high on fentanyl or just being really, really respectful. Speaking of fentanyl, any Chinese people in this crowd? If there is, as a Japanese person, sorry for everything. I think Japan did terrible things to China back in WW2. So I think in my opinion as a Japanese person, Japan deserved first bomb. But second one.... It's too much. So I never understood the second one, never did, until just recently I figu…

Herooo. What's up guys. I talked to my mom recently and she said I should try be more black. And no matter what I do it looks like I drive a Prius with a Hellcat sticker on it. People see me coming and are like, oh yeah, he knows both of his dads. I do know my dad, when I grew up with him he would always give me fatherly advice. He would always tell me, never fuck a bitch with your whole dick. Only give her half the dick or the bitch gone go crazy. I had to be like, hey dad, I'm 12. Also are you talking about my mom mother fucker. Half the dick ? Give here the who dick man, I don't know.

You guys look confused. You heard my name and thought the kitchen staff put their name in the bucket. I don't know man, I'm trying to figure thijgs out. I just found out if you ask enough questions in an uber you get a free Quran. I got three Qurans this weak. I started making a game to see how many questions it takes to get a Quran. Turns out you don't even need to ask that many questions. The other day I walked into an uber so stressed out, I was just like whoooof. He turned around like, my brother, what's wrong. I was like I dunno man, all these people eating pork and shit. Just stresses me out. He handed me out one on princip…

So I've recently been on the interneet dating and I've been with an Afircan American lady I've been spending time with. She's about as Caucasian as they come so i introduced her to my family. Just straight down the middle until about 5 days ago, we were making love and she said,

What a very beautiful audience you all are. Everyone is beautiful in the dark and in the rain. When you look at me you may be thinking I know where the good stuff is. I don't know where anything is. Whenever I go anywhere, I make sure I sign the guest book. You sir, may never know when you need an alibi. Whenever I cross the street, I look one direction, and then I pretend to be a squirrel and I go for it. I really like excitements. I dated a short bi-sexual woman and she said to me,

I'm from Louisiana. I'm hat you call Louisiana sober. That means I drink, I smoke and I fuck my cousins. I'm kidding man. That's bold of y'all to assume I got hot cousins. I'm the hottest girl my family's ever produced if we're being honest. I would never fuck my cousin. I got two sisters and a dog, why would I? Nah them bitches ugly too. Speaking of ugly bitches when I first moved to Austin I got hit on by a gay guy. That was nice. He said he thought I was hot and I was like ahhhh thank you. He goes yeah can I get your number or something and I was like nah man I'm straight. And he said yeah, that's because you never had good di…

What you know about waking up in the morning to eat a dry toaster strudel because last night you got too high and drunk all the strudel juice. Now my day bad. What you know about missing your dead best friend so much that you wanna talk to him that you get a Ouija board and a street witch and then you start talking to him and remember that n*gga can't spell good. That shit crazy. I'm 35 years old and then I realized the other day I can fight but I can't heal. I'm like a reverse Wolverine, I'm just gonna die after this. Now I get why when Jesus was 33 he was like kill me. Cuz if you get acid reflux one time, you're like nail me to…

Hello everyone, here's your daily dose of racism. Sometimes I wonder if Jews wear tiny hats, is because they miss having a tip again. And sometimes I wonder if Hip Hop artists like to hit woman because they love to beatbox. But that's the thing with racism, is like why does it always have to be something evil, like why can't it be something good. Like recently I gave a white guy a ukulele, and now he can't stop playing. But that being said, racism is a two way street, I just wish I was driving on the right side of the street.

I was on a date with this girl and she started talking about her ex. And out of nowhere she started talking about his dick. And for some reason she thought call to mention, he wasn't even that big he was like maybe more your size. And that's not the fucked up part. See the fucked up part was she said this during the movie preludes, so I gotta sit through Twilight thinking about this the whole time. So much for this hole I cut in the bottom of the popcorn box. I gotta walk down from isle J just trickling little kernels all the way down just pissed off. I ended that date and did the old confidence measure where you measure it up ag…

I'm having a great month right now, I actually just celebrated two years of marriage, so that was fucking dope. It's a weird time in our marriage cuz we're talking and I wanted to go see the new Superman movie, it just came out on HBO. I was explaining it was really interesting cuz they changed directors and revamped the universe. She asked me how long I wanted her to pretend to care about this. So this is now a new level of honesty I didn't know I didn't want. But I did see the new Superman. If you wanna see it, I'm hearing a lot of strange stuff about it. There's one nation oppressing another nation and it's analogy for Israel…

Remember when you could wish Covid on your worst enemy and it meant something. Mamdani, and by the way I hope I'm pronouncing that right so i don't get jihaded after the show, was just elected mayor and conservatives are pissed. Meanwhile my ass is handing hitchhiking directions for the Austin homeless population. You're free, go live in prosperity. Hey Redman, kiss me if I'm wrong but if you blow bubbles, can that spread hepatitis. Tesla shareholders approved a trillion dollar pay package for Elon Musk. That lucky son of a bitch is going to be able to retire at 55.