Kill Tony #752

You know, I started reading a lot of history books recently And I came across this book, it's called Bear My Heart of Wounded Knee. It's a total incomplete history of Native America. And I was reading this book And I was thinking about modern politics. And I think you can say whatever you want about Donald Trump is as the president, if we look back at history, he would've made an excellent Native American war chief. Do you want to know the group of people who could have used Donald Trump's immigration plan the most? The original Native Americans, that's who could used it. You know, he is like, the white people are coming here bri…

Thank you Austin. You know most women get preyed on PREY but I get preyed on PRAY. Hell yeah. I'm blessed. You know, a lot of people think that I would swipe right on anyone. I'm gonna tell you right now, as soon as I see wheels, I'm swiping left. Like we can't both be physically like vulnerable, you know what I'm saying? We gotta like make Ikea furniture, you know, like we gotta go to UPS store, return some Amazon package. Oh. But when it comes to people I actually date, it's mostly military men and the thing about them is civilian men, not military. They would tell me about how strong I am. Like just all day. But with military…

How's it going folks? Good to see ya. I went to the strip club with my dad. Not that fun. Getting hard with your dad sucked. Yeah. I don't really wanna get hard with any of my relatives except my cousin. I feel like if you don't want to bang your cousin, you just don't have a cousin. Hot enough. My cousin is gorgeous. Okay. She looks like Italian Pocahontas. I would pay money to see my cousin naked. I try every Thanksgiving. I'm gonna try again on New Year's. I'm pretty sexually adventurous folks. I've gotten like 300 Asian massages with happy endings. I call 'em Jackie Chans. Big fan of Jackie Chan. And these massages are so goo…

I hate audience participation exercises. Who's with me? I'm getting older. I'm going a bald spot. If my granny would've said, if you don't stop. Doing that, you're gonna go Bald. Well then she would've been right. I know I'm getting older. I'm getting older. I'm going to massage parlors just to get a massage. My skin's starting to wrinkle when I'm talking. When black people talk to me, I've noticed they subconsciously lick their lips And I think it's 'cause I'm starting to look like fried chicken.

Hey, I think the darkest thing going on with Kanye West is his diamond and crusted swastika chain chain. That's dark. 'cause if you know anything about the diamond business in this country, you know the person who made that chain is Jewish. So there's a guy out there that knows exactly how much his soul is worth. Oh they, what do you want me to make? It's gonna holocaust You fucking That is a rough joke to do in Yeezy. I'm aware of that. That is, yo, these shoes are comfortable as fuck. I don't care. That's all I care about. You could say the worst things in the world about Muslim people. If you made the most comfortable our shoe…

I remember the first time I caught my parents fucking, my mom had to sit me down and gimme the talk. She says son, when a man and a woman love each other very much that buy a ball gag. And I said, mom put a shirt on. And while my mom went to put a shirt on, my dad came to gimme the same talk. He said, Sean, I'm autistic. And I found out the other day that I look autistic. 'cause I went to the Olive Garden and the waitress handed me crayons and paper And I was trying to explain that to her that that's dehumanizing. But dehumanizing is really hard to pronounce when you're chewing on a fist full of crayons and have a ball gag in you…

Okay, thank you. Once I was talking to a girl at a bar And I thought it was going okay, but she threw a drink in my face. I was like, Hey, watch it. There's $30 a roofies in there. So the problem with that joke is I don't know if that's the right amount of money to say. I'm afraid to look it up. I'm nice. I would never cat call a lady because that would give away my position. No, I would never stalk woman either because I feel like it'd be boring after like an hour. You know, like, oh, she's going to the grocery store. Oh, she's going to yoga. Oh, she's going to the police station. Oh, she's coming back out. She's pointing at me.…

The first time me and my boyfriend ever slept together. When he got in bed, he accidentally like, need me writing the pussy. I was like, that's a weird way to check if I have a dick. Dick, my new boyfriend, he's really nice. He likes the Muppets and he sings Wicked with me in the car. So my mom really likes him, but he's a little racist. So my dad likes him too. He does comedy as well and he's been doing it for way less than I have. And he gets booked more than I do, which means not only is he funnier than me, it means he sucks better Dick than I do too. I love Austin, I really do. But man, half the people look, half the men here…

Good day. I'm from Australia. I'm trying to move here. Get away from gun violence. I'm a single mother. People say that's bad for kids, but I reckon abortions do more damage. I've been going to the gym a bit recently for my mental health. I've already got a six pack. I just wanna stop wishing I was dead. Membership was cheap and the gym's on top of a tall building. I don't do long at the gym. I go for like 20 minutes. Turns out pissing off Fat Chicks is a real mood booster. They're just jokes. I think Fat Lives matter. I've got a lot of sympathy for fat people because I was anorexic. I know exactly what it's like to feel obese

I made a mistake. I shaved my beard after two years. I used to look like a man, a homeless man, but still a man Now I look like I never got over Weezer. I look like I never, I look like the cook chair at the hotel was created for me politically. I am a leftist right wing liberal. Far right, left, right woke racist. I'm only joking guys. I am not woke And I don't like politics, but I do like starting Poli Pol political arguments on social media. I like it so much that if I had pronouns they would be blocked. And report should also mention that I am not racist because I have a friend who is black. Everyone knows if you have one or…

How we doing? Everybody? Damn fuck man. I just got addicted to OnlyFans. Yeah man. You guys realize OnlyFans is like the new form of scratch offs. Yeah, it'd be on a homepages, blurry picture. $5. Like I can afford that. I bought 10 of 'em one time right there. Pack of Pokemon cards. I started ripping 'em looking for a charr. It was just a bunch of EVs. I was like, ah. Damnit. Yeah. One time dude, I bought a 10 pack worth of toes, $10. I'm like, bitch, this is $4 worth of toes max. Yeah, I looked at it, I was like, I I, I sent another dollar 99, just a messenger. I was like, bitch, this is $4 worth of toes max. So he painted his…

Hello. Thank you. I, I had jaw surgery growing up. It's a fun fact that I like to bring up on dates. And I was on one day and this girl was like, oh my gosh, can we, can we still kiss? I was like, actually I just prefer sex. She said, I prefer we just kiss. I was like, Alright. Well I know you paid for dinner, but I prefer we kiss. Ah, she had a kid too, which was crazy. And you know, we got along. Me and her kid got along until one night. That kid called me Dad. Yeah, dude, I'm with you. I left. I I was only 18 at the time. Alright. I was only 18. Okay. I can't be responsible for a 15-year-old. Like I see him, I see him in schoo…

How's going? I overheard a, a lesbian talking to her friend about how she's gonna spice up her relationship. And she's like, yeah, we're getting a fleshlight for our dildo. That's a, you know, third party. But I was, I was in traffic and I saw this lesbian again driving in a car, except she wasn't on the road. She was like on the sidewalk. And it wasn't a real car. It was like a, like a much smaller car and like, kind of odd lock, odd looking. And on the back of her window it said toys are just like real boys. And it was, I was, I was kind of drunk the other night And I, I thought I walked into a Whataburger, but it was, it was a…

I, I saw a black guy driving a Waymo. He definitely stole that shit. There's no other way. I actually saw a te, a black technician driving it. The joke road itself anyway, but I asked my gay friend, what is it like to be gay? And he said it sucks cock. That's amazing. I find out bananas are technically berries. Did you guys know that? No. I always knew you could bury them up your ass, but I never would've pegged them as berries. Donate. Y'all ever notice that? Trans women are always really cool dudes. They're great guys. Every time I love trans women. I'm 1950s gay. That means I like black women according to my grandpa. That's gay.

I don't have a single black friend. People assume I'm mentally retarded and they start playing Sure aids with me. It happens six times at the airport on the way here. Like I ordered Starbucks and my order was ready and she starts doing this. By the sixth time I just started doing it back to them. Hey Sharon, I'm going two. Kill your whole fucking family, you stupid piece of fucking shit.