Enrique Chacón

I had a bad dick day the other day. You ever disappoint your girl so much? You have a bad dick day that you enroll into college? I had a bad dick day. I had to clean the whole house, bro. My dick was so bad, man. I had to call up a friend, and they told me to go to the gas station and get some boner pills. So I'm at the Circle K gas station buying dick pills. And the first thing I realized is that everybody there knows that my dick doesn't work. So I'm choosing the boner pills, and there's no ingredients. Now I've got to choose the boner pill based on the animal and the explosion behind it. I found one that said the vanilla gorilla, bro. I'm like, if I take this shit, am I going to start fucking like Brock Lesnar and break all my Ikea furniture? I found one that said the black mamba. I'm like, if I take this shit, am I going to start fucking like Kobe Bryant, unconsensually? I found a third one. It was the strongest looking animal. It said the black rhino. I took that shit. I thought I was going to take my girl to a safari. But nah, man, I ended up going to the urgent care because my heart, bro, it wouldn't stop beating. Sure, there's bad dick out there, but have you ever had dick that financially disables your family? Because that's way worse. Anyways, man, that's been my minute. Thank y'all.

I heard that ICE is killing white people now, man. What's up with that? You're telling me I can't even hide inside a Lulu Levin anymore. My girlfriend, when I met her, she was way out of my league, so I found out everything I could about her, man. I found out that she was really into animal rescue. So 2019, fuck it, bro. I rescued 34 cats, bro. Fuck it. Sometimes you have to save the kitty to eat the kitty. That's what I was doing. You can say I was in heat, too, man. Anyways. I have an Australian cattle dog, a blue healer at home. I like to use that dog for small talk with older white guys. I like a tractor supply. I tell him I have a blue healer, and they're like, oh, my granddaddy had a blue healer. That's a very intelligent dog. That's a very hardworking dog. We have a beautiful moment, and suddenly they remember that their granddad wouldn't like him talking to me, and that's the end of the conversation.

Aah! Vulcan, what the fuck's up? Whoo! My girlfriend, she froze her eggs recently for family planning, right? Turns out that shit cost $14,000, man. I guess these egg prices really are high nowadays. You know what I'm saying? I can tell who's been shopping, dude. I heard a Spaniard guy speak Spanish in Texas, and that shit didn't sit right with me, man. It sounded gay as fuck. -

Hoooooweeeweeeweeeweee [Mexican screech]. That was hello in Illegal. How the fuck we feeling Austin? Yeah, man, I heard that ICE is detaining Latinos that look illegal, man. That's why I tell everybody that I'm a trans, you know? Not the guy that chops her dick off the guy that's really good at Rubik's cubing. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm a trans Asian man. I think I'll be the most annoying person to the port on a flight. Like, oh man, I know I don't have any rights, but can I at least get the window seat and an extra foil blanket? I wanna go back into my country looking like an illegal Pop-Tart. You know, my dad, he was a veteran in El Salvador. He hated communism. I hated communism and fuck communism. I can't even share an appetizer. He used to tell me how he would torture communists. Right? Apparently he used to tie them up naked, throw cold water at them and slap their feet afterwards so they can get pneumonia and die. And I'm like, damn, dad, that's kinda gay. If you do that shit to me, I'm gonna cum.

I had to stop driving Uber Eats. Because I started abusing my own supply. Hence the weight gain. And if I'm you're Uber Eats driver and I've been dropping off McDonalds at your chitty college campus and you're only tipping 86 cents. I'm sorry bro, but Imma put my dick in your fish sandwich. At that point that ain't tartar sauce that's tres leches now. You wonder why the McDonalds taste so good this week, where's the recipe coming from? Oh it's cumming. Its coming from south of the border ya bitch. But yeah man this how I knew I got fat form Uber Eats, because my girlfriend spontaneously started sucking my titties in the bedroom bro. Big guys anybody else get their titties sucked dude? Man dude she started sucking my titties so good bro, ladies I understand now... I was trying so hard not to moan. And then she really started sucking and I turned into a little farm animal [bahs like a sheep]. And I've never cum so much in my life bro.