Aaron Spahler

How you guys doing? Hell yeah. So I've never lived in a city before. I've always been like a small town kind of guy, just real simple, easy going, like normal shit. When I saw something living on the side of the road, it'd just be a little animal, some cute, fuzzy. And now here I just got all these homeless people. When I first moved here, like, I felt bad for him. Give him a dollar, do what you can. But I saw this one guy that just ruined it all for everybody. He was holding his sign that said, cancer, can't work. How are you going to use your zodiac sign as an excuse to being homeless? You're not out here because you were born in July, dude. That's insane. I'm working three jobs struggling to feed myself, and you're just sitting. I was born in July. Can you help me? Like, no, fuck you, dude. But I try to look for the bright side and everything. I really do. And with having the homeless people here, I think I finally found it. It's like if you're out here on 6th Street and anybody starts, like, shooting, and they start blasting, we got a lot of meat shields we can use. I'm grabbing the guy in the wheelchair. I'm charging straight Adam. We're going to be the heroes of the day, man.

So I was told once you go black you never go back. I was stressed out. I couldn't wait to go back personally. The biggest issue was constantly being compared to where black exes. That's a white guy, that's not where you want to be. So I figured if I can't beat them, I'll join them. So I started fucking fat white girls. The issue is, is I started to enjoy it. And I'm from the Midwest, the casserole capital of America. They're everywhere up there. I had a little too much fun. And that's how I earned the nickname the Fupa Bazooka. Which I don't think my mom was too proud of. Because I caught her Googling if 300 months is too late for an abortion.

Have you all seen these Honda Civics driving around? They got that big ass spoiler, really loud exhaust on it and all these stickers and it's this shitty little car. loud exhaust on it and all these stickers and it's this shitty little car. It's trying so hard to be a race car but it just can't do anything that a race car can do. Shit's really annoying right? Yeah it's the same way I feel about trans women too. I feel like I just walked into a fucking fire right now. Breathe. Something I've learned living in this city.