Brent Reed

I just ran in from 6th Street, getting the shit scared out of me. I got came up to me and he was like, hey, you want to buy any fentanyl? I didn't know you could get that shit on purpose. I thought it had to be a surprise. You know, like an engagement, or a finger in the butt. Some things are surprises. I just thought you had to get Fettonol on the side with an order of cocaine. I didn't know you could get that shit a la carte. I scared the hell of it. I called my dad today to catch up. I asked him how he was doing. He never tells me how he feels. He said, Brian, I'll tell you what, if I was any better, I'd be twins. Can someone here explain to me what the fuck that means? What does that mean? What if the twins are sad? He speaks in riddles. Redneck dads speak in riddles. My favorite one growing up, he'd be working on something. I'd be over his shoulder. giving him advice. He'd go, Brent, I'm the one fucking this pig, you're the one holding it down. You ever heard that one? I was like, all right, well, I'm six. You just taught me, you just taught me beastiality, non-consensual sex and metaphor. All in one swoop. Really appreciate you help me put together my Hot Wheels track, though, Paul, not gonna need therapy for that one. Thank you guys so much.

Well, if you like that last guy, this is gonna be different. It's, I'm half gay on my sister's side. My sister's gay. She's, she's full blown. She builds coffee tables and shit. You'd love her. She's we're Irish twins. That of course means I'm an alcoholic. She's a potato. And, and growing up she was always the favorite, you know, nicer, smarter veteran in school. But I'm her little brother. We grew up at a 1200 person town in Alabama. So she came out gay. I was like, oops, guess who's the new favorite. It's finally my time to shine now. It's just something my dad uses against me. He's like, son, why can't you just go out there and get you some pussy? Like you sister Brittany's got a wife and kid. You got two male roommates. And somehow that's gayer and it is. All right. Thank you guys.