Yang

We just finished the Black History Month. Fuck Black History Month. Here this month too. Why did they make our calendar racial? Seems like everywhere I go, they want to ask for my race. You apply for a school, what's your race? You apply for jobs, what's your race? See, where I grew up, they don't ask that question. Because we're better at keeping our bloodline pure. So many different races to pick from under that question, to Hispanic, non-Hispanic, black, white, Pacific Islander. In Asian countries, we'll just put people into two categories. Asian or intruders?

I'm asking what my type is. I'm really into Arabic, guys. I find them very attractive. I like their thick hair, sharp facial features. Every time I see one on the street, I go up to them, I say, sir, can you please cover your hair and your skin? You make me feel very lustful. I can't help but want to touch you right now. When they don't comply, I throw rocks of them. See, when I'm rich, I'm going to throw big parties and I'm going to invite a whole bunch of very attractive Arabic male models. So I'll pay you shit in their mouth. I'm really good at it, you know? I just tell them, hey, Habibi, Habibi. Lay down. Open your mouth. This is my gift for you. It's very halal. Let me show you the Asian squad. And if that...

You know, as I'm learning more about this country in English, I realize everything's better when it's white. For example, a normal person just lives in the house, but the most powerful person lives in the white house? White collar jobs are better than blue color jobs. They're more intellectual and pay more. White lives are better than other lives, because they come from good intentions. That would be some sort of white. Even Diddy knows white is better. Diddy used to host white parties in Hollywood. Best parties you can never find. You can only wear white in that party, right? They got eight-less celebrities, unlimited baby oil. And guess what? When he's arrested, not white enough to get pardoned by the White House.

Thank you. How we doing? Name's Yang. Fun fact about me. I was adopted by a few white guys ever since I came to the United States at the age of 20. Most comedians call themselves comics. I just get called a Callie as an immigrant. The first question people ask me is always, Hey, are you here by yourself? Do you have family here? And when I tell them no, I don't have family here, they always pity me. They say, oh, I'm sorry you're here alone. I mean, yeah, that's exactly why I'm here. You think I flew 13 hours all the way across the world so I can see them again? I'm here to get away from them. Hello America. Thank you.

Hello my name is Yang. I'm Asian. My pronouns are su-shi. And dim-some. I'm a musician. My stage is Lil Ming. AKA yellow Haitian 200. My MBTI is IDGF. I like buying shoes. And making shoes. I'm just here to share good news with you. I just got my nail technician certification. Chill, I'm just joking. Do I look like I do nail ?