Kill Tony #694

What's up, cool cool. My first participation trophy was my birth certificate... Alright. Got way too much credit on that. You know women can go to the bathroom together, that's normal, but when guys go to the bathroom it's, like oh we're going to do coke. Never to spend time together. They borrowed my dollar, I wasn't part of it. Anyways, any Nazis here? I'm never sure, after WW2 all the Nazis, they got charged with war crimes and a lot of them killed themselves in jail. Woah, way to make yourself look guilty. See they got rid of all the good lawyers...

My names Jemischa I was adopted when I was 6-years old. I'm the only black person in my family and when I tell people that they think my life is a lot like that movie The Help. Yeah, growing up my life was more like the movie Get Out. Except with Mexicans which was somehow worse. My mum is a combination of white and Mexican, so when we're in public I call her MexiKaren. Right, like she can eat tamales with the best of them but like a white woman she loves to say the N-word... Nordstrom. But she is Mexican so it's more like Nordstrom-rack. That bitch loves a hard R. I got kinky parents. You guys got kinky parent - don't answer tha…

I like to have the TV on during sex, but you've got to be careful what show is on when you're doing it. Cuz the only thing worse than finishing quick with a girl is finishing quick then hearing a laugh track immediately after. Now it just feels like the whole audience is degrading me. My go-to genre to have on during sex - true crime. Because at least if I give her a bad performance, she can look at the TV and see some girl getting raped and murdered, and I could go "hey, could be a lot worse for you huh". It's like, "yeah, I didn't make you cum. But you get to go outside again so. Count your blessing alright". I was drinking wit…

What's up everybody, alright lemme gage the room. What do we think of trans athletes. Boo ? Why? I love trans athletes. Trans athletes are the best thing to ever happen to women's sports. Case and point, right now, we're talking about women's sports. Look at the ratings. Did you guys know there's a WNBA? We haven't cared this much about women's sports since the 20s, and back then it was like dude should we let women play sports? Now it's the 20s again and we're like bro, should we play women's sports? And I feel the ladies pulling away, I get it, you're mad, cuz you're jealous you know. We make better women than you. We've got st…

Howdy everybody, my name is Seth Shepperd, and I'm from Eastern Kentucky. being from such a place means I come with an accent. And accent mind you that is mildly inconvenient depending on the circumstance. For instance I know a fair amount of Spanish. I just try not to speak it because it sounds like a hate crime coming out of this mount. "Buenos Dias Senor", means good day mister. Coming from me though it sounds about as friendly as the soft crackling of a burning cross. Thank y'all so much. This is almost a dated joke I guess because the election is over but uh, did y'all hear about the mechanics shop that the Harris and Walz…

That last guy had like a slave owner voice, it's very terrible. You know what's crazy, I went to a Colorado Buffalo game recently and I had a uniform, I had like a jacket on, and a bunch of white people just thought I weas a recruit, and that was the funniest shit ever. They like, "he can't be here, he's not a reader he's a running back n*gga, this is crazy". And it's cool cuz I was in the lying the whole time, like one lady was like, "are you going are you gonna come here", and I was like, "I might I'm thinking about it a little bit. I got 3 schools lined up right now, it's Florida, Georgia and here, you feel me". And then she w…

How many of you Kill Tony people are unvaccinated? Don't get it, don't get the vaccine. I'm transgender now [man's voice]. Didn't happen till after a second booster and a bud light. Drink Shiner keep it local. Sometimes I like to go to gender reveal parties... and drown the room in negative energy. You don't fucking know! You don't fucking...know.

Tony doesn't seem to recognize my name, I couldn't forget those hot pink rubber clown lips if I tried. Damn. They haunt me. Man I get this shaky memory though. Her senses were rattled by many a headboard and man's pelvis back in the day during her whoring times, and she's transitioned since I'm sorry to deadname ya. Me and the frat gentlemen were admiring her two-dick mouth yet three-dick throat, ya know, we measure thing with what he have on hand down in the South. And in a fever, she slammed her Seabreeze, dislocated her jaw, and enveloped the 3 thickest frat gentlemen in the room. It was one of those incredible moments were ti…

We did it. Tony Hinchcliffe did it. He got Trump elected. Boy went all the way down to Madison Square Garden at the Republic Party to talk about Puerto Ricans. Came back with a, what they call a tiny joke book that was crazy went all up there getting tiny joke book, listen. I didn't know there was 500 000 Puerto Ricans in Pennsylvania. I didn't know there was 500 000 Puerto Ricans in Puerto Rican, okay. Island of trash remember. And I didn't watch the election now I was worried it got a little hairy for a minute Tony didn't it. Only way I know it was over is I saw Hinchcliffe crawl outta Rogan's garage. He saw the shadow that man…

So I've been sober for about a year. Thank you. I don't really have much going on with my life so getting off drugs is probably the best thing I've done so far. but I don't know if you can tell, but I use to smoke meth, and uhmmm, don't know it till you try it, because once you try it, you can't know it. Yeah I smoked way too much meth. I was just hanging out with the wrong crowd I was always at the trap house. And if you can imagine it, it was a dark smokey room not unlike this one, and as you pan from left to right you see drug dealers, gangsters, homeless people. And then there's me in the corner with an acoustic guitar, a smi…

I recently stopped smoking blunts, I have decided to start smoking joints now. But it's weird though whenever I hang out with some friends they'll pass me a blunt and I'll grab it and I'll look at it. But like in my head I don't wanna smoke it, so I just pass it back to him. And then so in my head I'm thinking, do they think I'm racist? And it really doesn't help, that it's my black friend is the one that's passing me the blunt. And I'm like damn he may think I'm racist. The first time I told my mum I smoked weed, I thought she was gonna be really happy about it. And she wasn't. She started crying and she told me, I wish you woul…

I watched the Jake Paul vs Mike Tyson fight this past weekend, and say what you will about Jake Paul, but the guy works hard. I mean seriously, he already has another Netfic event scheduled for May, but this time it's a 1V1 basketball - first to 20 wins 10 million. And his opponent is none other than Kobe Bryant. This is my impression of an alien outing themselv...shit fuckkk. Let me do that one more time. This is my impression of an alien outing themselves as an alien. "Uhh doctor, I have a hair-ache". You know a person would say headache maybe, btu an alien wouldn't know what to say. I heard Santa might come early this year, th…