Juanita

I am a transgender woman. Woo. I am brave buying $13 dresses at Ross is brave. Woo. How many of you in here have a vagina? Makes noise. Woo. Lucky dude. I want one so bad. I want a pussy so bad. I, there's women getting like a surgery called angioplasty. They're trimming their lips off. And I'm over here like, you gonna finish that? I'm trying to get a little to go box. Donelle Box is a euphemism for vagina

Do any of you suffer from depression, anxiety, mental health? Make some noise, yeah? That sucks, I don't. Just to perfectly normal. 37-year-old overweight transgender comedy prodigy. Killing the game. I am, now a friend of the show and my 400-pound friend, Sally Contreras, she struggles with her mental health and she can fight it in me one day. She said, I'm chalking myself into a psych ward because I'm not feeling well. And I told her, that is good because you're taking action. She goes, people keep telling me that. telling me that, but what I want to do is walk my ass on the oncoming traffic. I told her, girl, don't you dare say that, and don't you dare do that? You're just going to fuck up somebody's car. 400 pounds. I'm a good friend, though. I gave her advice that said, you should walk in front of a train. It's more efficient.

And any, any Catholics in the house. New Pope. Yeah, I, no, I didn't grow up religious, so it was very strange when in 2006, I, I dropped out of high school and to hide it from my mom, I joined a touring Catholic ministry. They made me pray to themes, one of which was Queen. I'll show you guys. I'm, you're gonna have to help me a little bit. Okay? So Jesus was a cool dude. 40 days without food, given his life for the Golden Rule. He died in our place. Amazing grace, spreading his love all over the place. Singing and, we'll, we'll praise you. Amen. I did that for nine months. I, that's the gayest thing I've ever done. And I do anal, believe it.

I, I was watching the movie, the Beauty and the Beast recently. There's a scene in that movie where they're about to fuck. Like, and, and I'm not talking about the little gay guy he turns into not that faggot. I didn't say it have penis. She wants to fuck the beast. It doesn't happen in the movie because the teapot won't leave. Teapot stares at them like a fat friend in middle school. And then she started singing all creepy. Taylor is old as time true. Is it? I'm trying to fuck my dog, dude. Did you watch him lap up the soup? That could be my pussy. Right now I have a full Sargento string cheese in my twat for Beethoven. Get the fuck out. Wow. That's basically three sets in a row. I have no idea what the fuck people are talking about. Somehow. Martin Phillips with full-blown, shaky, wobbly cerebral palsy is the best annunciator that we've had on this show yet. Incredible.

What should I say? Hey, uh, so I started working at a restaurant, and I'm annoyed with my manager because she doesn't say anything to the little kids running around. And I used to be a corporate manager and I would lie so I'd be like hey you guys we don't want the kids running around because we have some broken glass or hey y'all we just had a service dog eat a piece of Oreo cheesecake and diarrhea all over the main dining room. We're gonna want to keep the kids right here. Hey, y'all. Our buster is a registered sex offender. And he's really horny. And your kids are super hot. So we're just gonna want to keep them neatly stowed right here at the table. Anybody uncircumcised? Yeah, me too.

How many of you Kill Tony people are unvaccinated? Don't get it, don't get the vaccine. I'm transgender now [man's voice]. Didn't happen till after a second booster and a bud light. Drink Shiner keep it local. Sometimes I like to go to gender reveal parties... and drown the room in negative energy. You don't fucking know! You don't fucking...know.