Kill Tony #773

hey it's great to watch the UFC at the White House Love watching people beat the shit out of each other that close to Nancy Pelosi. It's hoping she would wander in. Can't wait for next year when we can play at the Vatican. But yeah, I'm working out right now because I have no ass. Yeah, it sucks having no ass. My underwear is touching my butthole right now. Yeah, I sat on a quarter. It penetrated me. Yeah, we are at war right now with Iran. We've won four times already. Now, when the Epstein list dropped, everyone in a third-world country was like, oh, no, they're going to need a distraction. And the Jews were like, oh, good, the…

You guys do fucking rock. You are the death's end in this land. I want you guys to realize, I want you guys all to turn to each other, no matter who you're with, your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother, and look at each other, right? Crowd participation just look at each other if have you ever looked at each other all right so if you had looked at each other deeply in the eyes which you guys are not like don't look at me look at each other I'm not fucking around I need your help all right fine whatever but if you did look at each other the thought would be in my head man I have no idea how many people you have fucked about…

I moved here from Colorado because it was getting too expensive. I had to have roommates. I lived with these guys, and it was awful. Like, one of them, he was always in his room, like, playing Xbox. Suck my ass. And the other guy, he was, like, a little more outdoorsy and outgoing. He always had his boys over. And it made me so uncomfortable. I mean, I'm a woman in my 50s. I should not be living with men in their 20s. But I gave birth to them. And I couldn't get them the hell out of my house. But I came up with a plan. I started dating their friends. Yeah. I have two boys in their 20s. And you know what? It's amazing how you can…

I hooked up with that lady over a year ago. Sandpaper dried. Chris. No, I'm feeling good though. I got my haircut this week. You like it? I don't like it. I look like a cardboard cutout of every white guy ever. I see a lot of us in your day. But I've only had this one haircut my entire life. This one haircut. I only had one person ever cut my hair. And that's my blue-haired, gay, liberal mom. It's just her. It is. She's the only one. I've never been to a barbershop. I go to the salon. It's not cool. Like, I want to go to the barbershop. I want to throw gang signs. whatever happens there I don't know I want to be the only one in t…

I was going through a breakup a few months ago. And a buddy of mine could see that I was struggling. And he was like, hey, man, what you need is a massage at one of those hand job massage parlors. He was like, listen, man, I know you can't drive. I found one down the street from your house. walk there which like first off weird way to find out i live in a bad neighborhood you know and he was like hey man i know your birthday's coming up so i made the appointment for you so if you don't go they're not going to let me go back there anymore so like he put me in a weird spot right because like sex work really isn't my thing but like…

One of my closest friends schizophrenic now. When I met her, she wasn't, but she was always a little bit off. Like when we were in high school, she could just look at a QR code and tell you where the link went. And and during lunch, you could pay her to say the N word. to use it in a sentence. But she did too many mushrooms and then she became schizophrenic. And sometimes I worry because I love mushrooms. But I know I'm not addicted to mushrooms because I share. I share. And it makes me think that maybe black people are addicted to the N-word. Because they won't share. Like, can I get a hit?

What's up, guys? So I am a Jew. You're welcome, or I'm sorry, depending on who you are at this point. As a Jew, I do want to say I do believe in free Palestine, because I love when things are free. I just got married recently. Thank you. Yeah, it's really sweet. When I met him, he was homeless. Yeah, it was really sweet. One minute he was living in a box, and next minute he was munching mine. So he had a sign that said, need money for food, and I let him eat my ass. actually makes me so wet we started calling my pussy the soup kitchen what's wrong you guys don't like soup no I uh I the only downside to being married is I I can't…

Hey, how's it going? Nice. All right. Cool. I'm doing good, I guess. I don't know. It's a, it's men's mental health month, I guess. I really, really wasn't aware there was a problem. with men's mental health. Until I saw a TikTok that was like, hey, tell your boys that you love them. If you don't think there's a problem with men's mental health, text your boy at a late hour that you love him, dude. I texted my buddy who was like 1230 at night. I'm like, hey, man, love you. He calls me immediately. Are you killing yourself? What's going on? I had a buddy once call me, tell me he was killing himself. Yeah, that sucked. Why'd you ca…

I'm a bi-Mexican girl, but I like to make bad decisions. So I usually go for men. And my standards for a man are pretty low. Like, you need to be nice. You don't have good morals. But you have to be circumcised. You have to be circumcised, because when I go down there, I don't want to be stroking it. And seeing the head pop out of the little hood, like, hat's what it looks like, fellas. Promise you. When I was in college, I was really broke, so I decided to do what any brave woman would do for our great nation. And I decided to try out for a strip club. So I walked into the strip club and you know you have to dance for them you g…

You're so sexy, man. No, I want to make a reveal. I want to make a reveal about Tony. We go way back. First time we ever had intercourse was in February. You remember that? This man's a sexy meme, bro. Like, that was fun. I want to explain it. But after we had our intercourse back in February, Tony, Tony ain't gay, man. He's straight fucking up, man. Like, you should have seen it. It's like Heidi's stuff over here, man. Like, bro. If comedy is this, let's go, bro. Let's go, Dini.

How y'all feeling, Austin? That's what I'm talking about, man. I'm going to get ready to it, man. Shout out to everybody like to hold on to their high school weight. I got a homeboy, right? He called me the other day, and he don't think he got big. He called me. He was like, hey, yo, man, Jimmy, man. I'm done doing all this, man. I want to rob niggas, man. I want to be a gangster. I said, I don't think you could be a gangster, man. He said, why? Because we 33? I said, nah, Nick, because you got hips. You can't be a gangster with hips, nigga. But you should give me my friend and you thick. You know what I'm saying? Like, I can't r…

Hello, hello, white people. It's good to see you all. I love, I love whites. Whites are great. It kind of makes, it just, thank you. Just kind of makes this next part a little harder to say. If what the liberals have been telling me is true, white slavery is oming. I understand it's not the best news to hear from me, I get it. I'll be good to you, all right? I don't want one, all right? I'm a nice guy. Can you imagine a guy like me, guy in glasses? Just fucking, just fucking... Oh, boy, come here, boy. Oh, God, that feels right. Your name is Davion now, boy. guy just fucking just Luke Brian my name is Luke Brian

Folks, other night I was out on a date with this girl, told me she was wearing a butt plug. I was like, that ain't stopping me. Nice try. Sloppy top. Are we familiar with that term? Alright, well if you're not, it's when a girl gives you a blowjob and she's retarded. And getting a blowjob from a girl with braces can be dangerous. So make sure she's old enough. One time I hooked up with a girl so big one plan B wasn't enough. Had to get her Plan B Plus. Which is just a hoagie with fatinol in it.