Martin Phillips

What's up? What's going on? I flew with my dog and he was freaking out. I was like, man, chill. I haven't even hijacked the plane yet. You're blowing my cover, you know. I'm gonna get a new dog, get a drug dog, and use it for good, you know? Say, yeah, Sparky, let's find out where the party's at, you know? Okay, I see these, a reptile dysfunction medicine commercials. It's always a guy, working on his farm or fixing his truck. It's like, yeah, that's what I need a motor when I had shit to do. You know, when I'm around livestock. That's, you know, okay, cool.

What's up? Hey, the medication I take is called oral backlifan. I take oral back to thin because I don't want to take anal backliphan. It can fall out. Some people smoke wheat through an apple. I smoke through a squash. So when I'm high, I'm like, oh, I'm so squash right now. Let's get squashed. I'm trying to make it a thing. Okay, um, a scientist, hey, scientifically speaking, you can sleep with your second cousin. And I don't know, it sounds like that scientist just had a really hot cousin, you know? I did the research, it's cool. Okay, well, that's it, but, yeah.

What's up? Hey, cool. Okay, sorry. Hey, I started to do this new thing on dating apps. I use my baby pictures. And then I say, swipe right if you want to see how it turned out. And, you know, they're like, oh my God, I know what happened. Like, chill out, chill out. It's been 30 years. Okay. Has anyone ever used it? Flashlight? You know what? I didn't know. You have to loom it, you know? I was doing it, and I was like, this hurts. I was, I don't know if I'm not to come, but if I bleed, you know

What's up? Okay, cool. I was in, I was in Vegas. I, when people played poker, everyone has their tell. My tell is when I accidentally drop on my car and go, don't look, nobody. Look that time out. Okay. Come on. Get me. And I, and then, and they, I brought my own gun to the roulette table And I was, I really, really needed to be 21. Okay. I, yeah, when, when I used to work in their little school, I would get a, a lot of advice from their little school girls. And one of them told me, she said, if you like someone, you should find out where they live and let them know. And I said, Martha, I'm not doing that again. I can't go back.

Good. Sorry. Smoke down. I'm dread. Okay, wait. Well I went on Halloween I to make my own candy the best salad. 'cause it's creative and it's way easier to put razor blades in. So, okay. I saw this apple juice. It was called Adam and Eve apple Juice. And I was like, not falling for that one. Don't break me down with you. Okay. Anyway, speak. Speaking of removing a rib, we, we all know exactly, we all know that I take out a rib, I can suck my own dick, but, but at what I do, I take out another rib so I can eat my own ass. You know, like why, why I stop at the dick. Keep, keep going. Hey, I wanna, wanna lick my back, you know? And people get frustrated with me, like if they're like, is your head up your ass? And I'm like, I'm trying. I am. Give me time. Okay. That's it. Okay.

Oh man. Cool. You know, it can be ends where they, they do jokes. They get the ba bumped at the end. But I don't always have a dropper, so I use the, so here we go. Uhuh. I stay at hotels. Nice. Hotels can be expensive. It's like, dang. $400. The prostitute was 800 and I of losing money. I, I I soda. My favorite soda is Sprite with cough syrup of and acquired taste. Like Sure. I'm fucked up. But I don't have a cold. I I take my dog places. He's not a assistant dog. But you know, it got like me, you know what's gonna question it. But I, I think I can bring any animal with me. You know, I think they'd be like, oh yes, that raccoon helps him. Yes. He, he has hands.