Gary Gia

I feel bad, like, that dude can have my Medicaid. I do not fucking need it that bad. You know? Man, I have some wild things, wild events happen in my life recently. I just found out I have a sister. It turns out she's pretty hot. Right. Dude, I'm just joking. For the record, I don't think my sister's hot, dude. I prefer the term ooga. But that also means I got a nephew. Not hot. That's gross. We're related. I go over to his birthday party I have no idea what to give the kids So I get him one of those kazoos You know, it's that musical instrument. He's like, what's this? And I'm like, bro, it's practice for your breathalyzer So my sister got him a race car bed So I just duct tape it to the steering wheel Call it baby's first probation kid's trying to rub it in my face i was like dude you can't impress uncle gary uncle gary sleeps in an actual car that's my time

Just found out I have fucking peasant eyes. Yeah, so I just moved here from Alaska. Yeah, what the fuck is right, dude? I never understood why people would have sex with animals. And then I moved 99 miles away from the closest hinge profile. Can't be checking out this salmon like, oh. So you're a Pisces, huh? Wait, you got how many kids? You got some... Kind of smell like my ex-girlfriend. Yeah, but I love my ex. I love my ex because we had chemistry, you know? We knew what we liked. We loved rough sex. So I agreed when we're in the bedroom that our safe word is the N-word. No, because I won't even say that shit behind closed doors, man, you know? Like, fucking anything goes, baby. You know? Like, that's a terrible word. I obviously shouldn't even joke about it. Every time she said it, I just slapped her again. Just... You know, I'm about to be 40, which is cool. This old lady, she's told me she, that I had a very nice skin complexion. And I was like, you want to know my secret? Omega threesomes.