Timmy No Brakes

I cannot even begin to try and transcribe this shit, just go watch it.

What's up? My name is Timmy No Break's and welcome to Timmy Ass. You got a... Jesus fucking Christ. This guy won't let people say the M-word or play the fucking guitar. This is insane. Okay. On my neck is a shock collar. and in my hand is the remote. If you press this orange button, it will shock me. Now, if I bomb, one of you guys will get to shock me. I won't bomb because I don't bomb. But this, this is the bomb shock collar. This is fucking terrible. Now, because this is a dog collar, I will give it to this lesbian bitch. Jesus Christ No, you can't Start the timer Red Band Did you guys see During the Olympics. How that girl Lindsay Vaughn broke up What the fuck are you doing You dumb whore I'm in the setup Wait for the punch Hold it up Lady hold it up a little bit So that we can see it There you go And keep Kind of not that high Pohn This is an uninterrupted I know Shut the fuck up I know Just keep it So we can see When you do it This is show busy Take it from the top. Here we go. And action. Did you guys... Shut the fuck up, Matt. I'm trying to do the minute. It doesn't even sound like the fucking thing. I'm about to say the end word if you do it again. I'm going to fucking freak out. Okay, start the timer now, Red Band. Here we go. Did you guys see... The Olympics had that skier. Lindsey Vaughn. Broke a leg, you know? Sad. You know where that wouldn't have happened? Uh, the kitchen. Boom, fuck you. Relax. Relax. Relax. I'm gonna be honest. I love the woman's Olympics. I do. Yeah, I do. I think every woman's sport should only be televised once every four years. Suck a dick. What the fuck you fucking bitch? Guys, everybody, give it up for the woman's hockey team. They won gold. Yeah, finally. positive video featuring white woman and ice. Take that, you lesbian. Boom. Merk ya. All right, one more.

Big Pop in the beginning, listen, a lot of people have been saying, Timmy No Jokes this, Timmy No Jokes that I know. I can write jokes, so I wrote a few jokes. So I wrote a few jokes for you guys. I have a lot of nervous energy. But stand-up has given me a lot of confidence. Because sometimes after I get off stage, people come up to me and say, great set. And that makes me feel good because they're just B-cups. Don't you fucking dumb-ass retards? That's pretty fucking easy. He's another one. Sam J, ladies and gentlemen, She's a black lesbo, which means she doesn't eat pussy. She all hell knows on it. Relinquishment time. What the fuck? Wow.

No chance I can transcribe this, just go watch and enjoy.

Not something there is an actual transcript for, just go watch it, pretty funny.

There is no chance of me writing or acquiring a transcript for this. Just know it was despicably funny and you should most definitely click the Youtube button on this card and go and watch this bit.