Uncle G

Motherfuckers, but I'm celebrating tonight. Damn right tonight marks 27 years since I had my last drink of liquor. Give it a fuck up. Ain't had a drink of liquor in 27 years. I ain't smoked a joint in 27 minutes. No, no, I had a problem, y'all. I had to go to rehab. I did. I knew I had a problem when I went through McDonald's drive-thru. Ordered just a straw. Kid said, you want fries with that? I said, no, I'm getting fried with that motherfucker. Any of y'all been to rehab? Yeah, me and you, bro. Everybody else in here is a fucking Amy Winehouse. Y'all know Amy died at 27, right? Are y'all familiar with that entertainer curse? Famous singers died at 27. Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix. Famous singers died at 27. Kind of pissed me off when Justin Bieber turned 28. And if you think about it, there's something to that entertainer curse, y'all. Me and Michael Jackson was the same age. He was 54 when he died. He had 27 years as a black man, 27 years as a white man.

First cherry when I was 15 years old. I've been slapping ass for 54 fucking years. Had everything from jail bait to myths. These days I'm working for grifts. Grandmothers I'd like to fuck. This lady now, she's a great, great-grandmother. Makes me a great-great-grandmother fucker. No, no, no, she's 69 years old, y'all. Told me her day she was a cougar. I said, hell, baby, at your age, you're a saber-tooth. No, but she showed me a sex move. Can't no young woman show you. How many y'all ever heard of a sex move called a 138? 138. That's when you have 69 with a 69-year-old. I give you slow fuckers time, do them. math. My man.