Galina Rivina

I was born in Ukraine, but here I am. I don't know a lot about the war. I've been in America since I was five. I had an American upbringing, so I'm just as uneducated as you guys. All I know for sure is that Putin and Zelenskyy are both 5'7, and I'm positive that's what they're fighting about. They're just over there like, you're short, no, you're shorter. We only get one short king. My mom once got to host a family of Ukrainian refugees, and I was so excited to meet them, I thought, wow, I'm going to learn so much from these people. And here's what I learned. Did you know you can hate refugees? They're just people. The whole time the family that stayed at our house, the dad just criticized everything in my mom's house. He walked around going, oh, everything in your house is so outdated. It's like, dude, I don't go to your house and go, everything in your house is rubble.

My girlfriends wanted to do a vacation this year, so they suggested a girl's trip to Dubai, to which I said, if we're going to do a girl's trip, do you mind if we pick a country that likes girls? That's not my idea of getting stoned. It's hard to feel unsafe all the time as a woman. I wanted to be proactive, so I signed up for kickboxing classes. Now if someone tries to abduct me, I have something to talk about in the van. I'd have to be like, please abduct me just like I learned in class. Cannot fight you out of sequence. It was a Groupon. No. You said 10 seconds left. Oh, all right. I used to have a lot of peeping Tom's. They were all men. Pretty male-dominated profesh.