Kill Tony #720

Yeah, okay. Mother's Day just happened. I celebrate Mother's Day by impregnating women. I celebrate Mother's Day by impregnating women. I celebrate Mother's Day by impregnating women. I'm spreading all the day cheer. You don't want to know what I do for Father's Day. I went to Canada, and this Canadian guy told me he came down here, went to a gun range, was so overwhelmed from shooting a gun, he cried. And I just thought, man, it is gonna be so easy to take over this country. Oh, my God. Dude, stick that out before you hurt yourself. It's the stick the hockey. I used the gun. I did not cry. The person I shot cried. Okay, thank you.

Hello. I went to the Dentist the other day and found I still have a baby tooth. They did an X-ray - there's an adult tooth that hasn't come down my gum yet. I also have a huge cock still in my stomach that hasn't dropped, so... I'm hoping 2025 is my year. I don't know if anyone here likes a finger in their ass. Me, too. Thanks for asking. Um, I feel like a finger in the ass is kind of like having to take summer school to graduate. It's kind of humiliating, but it's the only way I can finish. I'm not good at dirty talk. I realized that recently. I'm not good at dirty talk. My friend told me, she's like, whisper something sexy in h…

I love cougars. And cougars love me. Give it up for the cougars, y'all. Yeah. I love a woman who's not afraid to take away my Xbox. My first experience with the Cougar was with a 48-year-old woman named Mrs. Lawrence. Mrs. Lawrence made love to each and every one of the dudes in my friend group. When it came to be my turn, I only lasted about two minutes. Which is not bad for a 13-year-old. Yeah. Yeah. When her son found out, he was so jealous. Oh, yeah. He was so jealous. Now, I'm just gonna say what's on everyone's mind. The homeless people in Austin, not all of them, but some of them I would have sex with. Thank you.

Hi. I'm new here. I recently escaped California with my son's genitals still intact. He said, mommy, am I a boy or a girl? I said, honey, are you a boy? He said, you're a cowboy. Pew, pew, back of shape, moving to Texas. I would love my child no matter what, but if he's trans, I'll say the same thing about his penis. I say every time he wants me to get him a puppy, you're gonna have to keep it and take care of it till it's fully grown. Then you can decide if it's not cute anymore and you want to get rid of it. I'll support that. He's not trans though, he's just regular autistic. It's... It took a long time to get him diagnosed to…

Hey, everybody. I know you're thinking, and yes, it's true. I do have bicycles on my wall. My living room is art decoration. Yes, I do. I recently took a 23andMe and found out I'm 25% gay. That's right. I recently took a 23andMe and found out I'm 25% gay. That's right. I had a gay grandpa. Sometimes with the long deliverer, a quote doesn't really work the right way, right? I went by a crystal shop, really inspiring quote. It said, it's a great thing to think that your best days are still ahead of you. But told by Anne Frank? Maybe they were talking about reincarnation. Guys, I, uh, it's kind of weird. Family, yeah, that's right.…

Real shit, it's weird to me I have one gay friend. I think if you a straight main and you have more than one gay friend, you gay. I feel like they plotting against you to put you in a dark room and fuck you in the ass. N*gga, literally. They gonna put a dick in it. And, uh, I got one gay friend. I got one. I grew up with him my whole life. His name is Tyrone. I'm not gonna say his last name. I gotta be disrespectful. His name is Tyrone Jones. And Tyrone, uh, he lived two doors down from me my whole life. And when he came out as gay Tyrone, he lived two doors down from me my whole life. And when he came out as gay, it made me upse…

So did anybody else used to think that bestiality was illegal? Because that's how you create supreme beings. Like... Like getting a dog pregnant creates werewolves. Getting a horse pregnant creates centaurs. Flushing your cum down the toilet sends it to the ocean. Sends it to the ocean, getting fish pregnant, creating mermaids. Let's see, I'm go-able and white trash, so the second I realized I was attracted to every mermaid I'd seen on TV, I was like, yup, those gotta be my daughters. And like, I've seen the little mermaid. So obviously my next move was to go get some scuba shit so I could find some octobitch, somehow convince he…

So, most people don't know this about me, but I'm in the Guinness Book of World Records. Yeah, my city had a hot dog eating contest, and I was the first person ever to yell gay a thousand times. Yeah, so I'm in therapy. Yeah, my therapist made me delete all the phone applications that give me anxiety. Yeah, so long, Bank of America. I remember one time I was messing with this white girl. [Audience woos] No. Yeah, one time I was messing with this white girl that wanted to say, nigger during sex. [Audience woos] No.

Shino is my high school nickname. My full name is Sean Shino- my high school nickname. My full name is Sean Shinohara. My father, Masanori Shinohara, was born and raised in the largest city on planet earth. Largest, arguably most interesting city on the face of the planet. Anybody know what city I'm talking about? Any anime fans? Tokyo, Japan. And can I take a second to appreciate the fact that if you had just stayed in Tokyo, Japan. And can I take a second to appreciate the fact that if you had just stayed in Tokyo, I'd be fully Japanese right now and not this half-Mexican abomination. And what, I'm in construction? No, no, no.…

Oh, when I see a hot guy, I'm like, damn. I could have gave birth to him. Probably screwed his dad in college. You know, I do get hit on a lot. I wonder if men have a menopause fetish. Damn, that cougar could tear me up. I would tear you up. Because I'm dry as fuck. I-I-I- You would have more pleasure rubbing your wiener on a cheese grater. Um. I spread my knees, tumbleweeds roll out. Um... Last guy came up coughing, and, you know... I... They sent a canary into the cavern. He's dead. It's all dead inside

Okay, Austin, I see you. I just moved to Austin, and this place is amazingly terrifying. No, I've been scared since I got here. I ain't know nothing about this area. They gave me a ride. I said, where we going? They said, this 6th Street. I said, no, I know Gotham City when I see Gotham City. No, 6th Street is dangerous out here. I seen somebody get robbed while he was robbing somebody else It's crazy. Oh, oh, you guys are just so brave for sitting in the front. Know what I'm just saying? That's because my last show, I fell off the stage. Took out the whole front. I don't know why y'all laughing. The way my body built, I bounced.

What's up? Any fat people here? You're fine. I mean like medical fat. He was fucking fat. I have one fat fuck friend. His name is Matt Fat Fuck. One day we were talking and I noticed that me and Matt, you know, we have to use the same toilet bowl. And I noticed that the distance from Matt's cock to his asshole is quite a journey. So I ask Matt, what do you do? Do you just fucking shove it in there? And fat fuck Matt goes, no, I gotta choose. So I ask Matt, okay, so if you go poopy, if you go poopy, does it sometimes happen that piss flies out too onto the floor and shit? Matt looks at me, he goes, oh yeah, all the time. That's wh…