Kill Tony #737

Hey, what's up? How are ya? Oh man. A little bit about me. I just got my own place. Thank you. I love this place. New apartment. My favorite thing about it is it doesn't come with a bitch who hates me. Fellows, thanks for coming out guys. You know, you think things are a little too political now, would you agree? Yeah, right. You know, I miss when Antifa was just my black friend's, cool aunt. You know what I'm saying? Antifa. I miss that lady. Yeah, thank you. Thanks for coming out guys. Oh man. You know, I love the gays. They're great, right? They're not doing too much. I've never been, but I hear a lot of good things about gay…

There are a lot of people who are really upset about trans women getting into women's sports. I disagree. I myself am considering identifying as a little person and getting into Midget Wrestling. I'll call myself Andre, the average. Fuck up Seven Dwarves at once. Just like Disney. Speaking of Disney, I hear Disney is gonna do a live action. Cinderella. Yeah. It's gonna star Elliot Page as Cinderella. Who wants to be a prince? And Dylan Mulvaney as the fairy godmother who waves a WA tampon like a wand and says Figety Fity. And poof. There's Prince Cinderella. All right.

Hey everybody. I look like a girl who regularly goes to the gym, but just to poop. I I really respect Helen Keller as a woman in history. Have you guys heard of Helen Keller? Yeah. She's never heard of you. I have a strong belief that Helen Keller coined the phrase, talk to the hand. 'cause the face ain't listening. But she, she probably sounded a little different as she said it, your face. I'm really excited to potentially have a husband one day, and I'm excited about this possibility because I will get to greet that man every day for the rest of my life. You know, different couples, they have different greetings. Some like to h…

I just watched the new Superman movie and me and my friend are walking out and he's like, you know what, there's no way anyone will fall for that. Like, just using glasses as a disguise. Like he just puts a pair of glasses on and everyone thinks he's a totally different person. No one's dumb enough to fall for that. I looked at my friend, I'm like, I know the glasses are a good disguise. 'cause I have to use my glasses as a disguise every single day. Like with my glasses on, you might be like, oh, this is like a kind of cute nerdy guy. Glasses off it look like I eat crayons for the flavor. Glasses on history. Teacher with autism…

My cousin has Down Syndrome. Don't feel bad for him though. He got laid so much. He cocked gonorrhea so we called him Slow clap. I like to treat pregnant women like dogs 'cause I'm a Ruby belly. Yes I am. I got two cats. One cat's name is Abyss because if you stare into the abyss, the abyss or so back into you, the other cat's name is Auschwitz. Onic part is Auschwitz doesn't like showers either. I'll wrap it up there.

Fo Gump was bullied so much and so long he ran so far and so fast that the bullets could not keep up. A false Gump Fot, when are you gonna stop running fo When? Fo When? That night in Jenny's dormitory. I fucked the shit outta Jenny. I was like, say my name. Say my name. She like you. Fot Gump. People call you Fot Gump. Gump Gum. Gump Gump. Oh yeah. You may not know it, but ah folks like the wind blows. Fo Gump used to work for the B Battery Police Department and they said gun forced gone. I took off running. I got fired. Anyways, life is like a box of cash. She made up to look like chocolates with a couple of chocolates mixed in…

Y'all might have guessed that I'm an amateur taxidermist. I'm a, I'm an amateur 'cause nobody's paying me to kill and stuff all these cats, especially not my dickhead neighbors. I'm not a very good negotiator. When I first met the future Mrs. Tickles, I was like, I like to have sex when I wake up in the morning. I like to have sex before I go to bed at night. And on the weekends I like to have sex three or four times a day. And she was like, how about a blowjob on your birthday? Okay, 14 blow jobs later. And I'm still married. Yeah, I always pay my bills. May maybe not on time. I've never re nicked on a bet. I did give a fuck by…

What's up guys? So I just celebrated four months of sobriety. The proper response is to bow, I'm better than you. No, but I had to get sober. I loved cocaine way too much. Can we just at least agree Cocaine is the gayest drug you can do because how's it gonna start? Me and you sir? We're gonna get a bag. We go to the bathroom, we pray. Nobody finds us. How does it end? Six o'clock in the morning we're gonna talk about our hopes, our dreams, our goals, our aspirations. How We would love to open a beautiful little breakfast nook in Wisconsin. We might as well just suck each other's cocks. At that point it would be way less gay

Hello. Hello. So just a little bit about me. I'm a quirky person and have a very big habit of making an awkward situation much more awkward. For example, when I went back to school, I went to school with this guy named Alex. Alex came back from summer break as Alexa. So a bunch of us decided we were gonna take Alexa out for lunch and celebrate this new transition. Well, our heterosexual young man server was really having a hard time with this. Alexa, bless her heart, was really trying to make the situation a little bit more lighthearted. She leans into the table for the rest of us and says in her high pitched voice, you know, I'd…

How's everybody else's bipolar Mac depression going? Woo. Fuck Yeah, let's do this shit. See a lot of couples in the audience. What's, what's up? I'm single. Shut the fuck up. I'll jump. Okay. Good. Hey, I warned you. No, man. It's, if you are with somebody, stay like, stay where you are. I'm out here in the wilderness. There's nothing out here for you. It's just darkness on the edge of town. I was out with a girl recently and she said, if you're lucky, I'll give you herpes tonight. I had to tell, I had to tell her I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. I don't have health insurance. It's not okay. Cubit. How was my time? Th…

Ah, good day Austin. How are you? Fantastic to be here. I tell you what, I'm learning a lot about this beautiful city. It's fantastic. It's gorgeous. I was walking down sixth Street. I saw a lady on her back and I saw her pussy. That was fantastic. Wonderful to see. I tell you what though, she was like the full legs spread. I felt like I was in Dallas though. It was, it was an interesting pussy. It looked like JFK's exit wound. It was full on. It was. No, it was, it was crazy. There was a big old flap going over a Waymo. I saw Jackie Kennedy chasing it was fantastic. Wonderful. Great. Although I've been hearing some, I know this…

What the fuck was that? All right. William isn't here, so he sent me his jokes. I'm just gonna go through 'em. Elon Musk said in an interview this week that AI will replace Mexicans by 2028. To which Mexicans said A A, A A, A A. Cut. Good job. William. This one just says Tony moving forward. Can I go by Clifford? The big red, angry retard. Okay. I think that might have been an interview thing. I don't fucking know. Okay. Vietnam invaded Italy this week. When asked why, they said forget about it. I think that needs, I think that needs work. William Conservative activist Charlie Kirk. Nope. Let's red band. If you play the bear, I'm…