Mike Holloway

You ever notice that peanut allergies and abortions became popular around the same time? I think that peanut allergies are circumstantial evidence that God is cool with abortions. 'cause somebody dying from a peanut allergy. It's a lot like God saying, Hey, You know those abortions you like so much missed one. There's a certain segment of the L-G-B-T-Q-C-I-A community Unity that wants to accept pedophiles and they don't want people calling them pedophiles anymore. They wanna rebrand them as maps minor attracted persons. If you ask me, it's gonna bring a whole new meaning to the phrase Google Maps. Right. Google's gonna have to rebrand as Google. No Chomo. All right.

Every time I shower, I dry off. And then over the next few minutes, every bit of moisture that I've missed from my entire body travels to my balls and stays there. Somehow, even the water I missed from my legs defies gravity and ends up there, and I have to drive my balls twice. So, since all roads lead to Rome, I decided to call my balls Romulus and Remus. It's an ancient Roman history joke. It's also a joke about my balls. Toofer. That one hits the highbrow and the lowbrow. Moving on to my dick. My dick likes to hang to the right, but I like it on the left. We're always going back and forth about it.

There are a lot of people who are really upset about trans women getting into women's sports. I disagree. I myself am considering identifying as a little person and getting into Midget Wrestling. I'll call myself Andre, the average. Fuck up Seven Dwarves at once. Just like Disney. Speaking of Disney, I hear Disney is gonna do a live action. Cinderella. Yeah. It's gonna star Elliot Page as Cinderella. Who wants to be a prince? And Dylan Mulvaney as the fairy godmother who waves a WA tampon like a wand and says Figety Fity. And poof. There's Prince Cinderella. All right.

I don't think everyone who has a cat also throws trash on the floor and calls it a toy. But I do think everyone who throws trash on the floor and calls it a toy also has a cat. I don't think everyone who eats blue cheese also has a foot fetish. But I do think everyone with a foot fetish also eats blue cheese. I don't think everyone who drinks lemonade is also a pedophile. But I do think everyone who is a pedophile also drinks lemonade. I don't think everyone who's the victim of you is also a Disney adult. But I, you guys get it. How's it going?