David Jolly

How y'am, brum, burn. How y'all doing tonight? White people in Puerto Rico. Hell yeah, man. I've been thinking about life lately, man. I've been thinking about my aunt Rose a lot. She was one of my favorite people on earth. She had dementia. Y'all know how dementia work, right? When they get older, they old, but they're living in the best moments of their life. And I talk to my aunt Rose, and she'll say something like, hey, David, you want to go on a hay ride? And I'm like, Hey, right, who this bitch went to school with? Huckerberry Finn? But the crazy part about dementia is that ain't never going to change. We're going to be dealing with dementia in 40 years. But can you imagine them kids from the day with dementia in 40 years? Somebody, Grandma, jump up at Thanksgiving. Give me a mop and a sock for this wet-ass pussy. Grandma, get that BB out of them mashed potatoes. Six, seven, six, six, seven.

All y'all are doing? Life been going good. I've been on the road and shit, you know. But most of my homeboys my age, all them boys been going through like a midlife crisis. My homeboy Johnny called me the other day and he was like, hey Dave, I'm about to start streaming. I said streaming. Man, I hung the phone up. Nobody want to see no old nigger Twitch. 5.30 a.m. chat, taking my blood pressure medicine. So I'm going to pass out at work again. There's only one type of people I want to see stream. And that's crackheads. I pay top dollar to watch a crackhead stream. 3.30 a.m. my knife dicker today. They're gonna'erick is the word. They're doing all got a crack-haired shit in the camera. I'm about to take this full-size-wash and dryer. Nine miles away on a 10-speed bicycle. Yeah, yeah. Thank y'all. That's been a bunch of fun, man

How y'all doing tonight white people in Puerto Rico. I believe that America's school system is a bunch of bullshit. They told us a bunch of shit back in the day and I've been searching shit and I don't believe it. Y'all remember that bitch Hellen Keller. Y'all believe that shit? Kiss my fucking ass. You trying to tell me this motherfucker was blind and deaf and she wrote 200 books and she flew a plane. Come on now. If I get on a Delta flight and that bitch driving, doing the Ray Charles, I'm getting the fuck off the plane. Then there was two more facts I heard. One of them I believe sadly, the second one - ain't no way. They say in WW2 she was a nurse. If I got a goddamn injury and she cam in the room bumping into shit, Imma kill my goddamn self. I ain't gonna let Humpty Dumpty do it. Then I found out sadly that during WW2, Hellen Keller was sexually assaulted 15 times, and that's sad.

How y'all doing tonight white people in Peurto Rico. Hell yeah. We in God's country, baby. You know what I mean? Remind you of the old days back when we be, when we could be Americans. You know, everybody don't get offended by every fucking thing. You know what I'm saying? Well, goddamn Americans a man have a bad day at work. He come home and he punched that bitch in the face. This is my wife. What you mean I can't hit my wife? That's crazy. Hell yeah. The good old days. I'm glad we didn't have social media back in the good old days because we also didn't have this thing called child abuse. Can you imagine getting your ass whooped on your grandmama Facebook Live? That bitch got them long ass titties swinging in the camera. Everybody in the comment Psych, oh, take his jaws off. Kick him in his ass. Hell yeah. Every year. Oh, that's my time. Thank y'all. Y'all been a bunch of fun.

Hell yeah, I've been in Texas now for two years. Hell yeah Hell yeah. I've been in Texas now for two years. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Finally made two years. I like the Mexicans out here. Y'all different than, like, Florida Mexicans. Hell yeah. Only thing I don't like is, as soon as y'all in Abuela get over here, y'all get them a job at Walmart. And I think that's bullshit, because them people rude as hell. I went up to the lady the other day. I was like, hey, uh, Tia, uh... Can you tell me where her antiperspirant deodorant is? And she said, mm, me ain't gonna speak English. Mm, yeah. I was like, this bitch is rude, ain't she? But it's amazing how I go back to my car and I put on my homemade ice shirt. Now everybody speak English. I go back in there and say to that same lady, hey, you know where the deodorant at now? Howdy, partner. Everybody speak English. I go back in there and say to that same lady, hey, you know where the deodorant at now? Howdy, partner. You looking for an antiperspirant deodorant? That's J22, buckaroo. I go down to get the deodorant. I come back, this bitch singing the Star Spangled Banner. I'm like, get the fuck out of here. Thank y'all. That's my time, man.

How y'all do it tonight? White people in Puerto Rico? Hell yeah. It is been 21 months since I had a drink. That's pretty fucking cool, right? Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I had to do it cold Turkey. 'cause I tried to do it like with the AA meetings at first, but every time I went to a AA meeting, I needed a fucking drink. Them people lives be miserable as hell. You know what I mean? Like, God damn, do it already, bitch, nobody gonna miss your ass. It got to the point where I started going to the meetings and I just spike the coffee, you know what I mean? Get get you back to your regular self, you know? Then it got so bad. I started coming to the meeting as drunk as hell. You know, I start coming to the meetings drunk and they'll kick me outta the meetings and I'm like, fuck, you can't kick me outta this AA meeting, man. I'm crying. It's a fucking cry for help right now. You know? You can't kick me outta this AA meeting. This isn't an AA meeting. It's a PTA meeting. All right. That ain't go as good as I thought it was gonna go. Right. Hey, all right. That's my time.