Cameron Riddle

I just got fired from my job. I was working as a Chuck E. Cheese mascot. Oh, Cameron, just go out there and pretend you're putting on a rock concert for the little kids. I'll admit, I shouldn't have tried the stage dive. That's my bad. But in my defense, I was putting on an incredible show, and those children were looking mighty strong. They knew what they signed up for the moment they stepped into the pit. I'm telling you, it was crazy. Some of the moms in the audience started lifting up their shirts, flashing me like I was the band Still Panther. I think they were just breastfeeding, actually. But at the end of the night, the police showed up and tried shutting us the fuck down. I watched a crowd of four-year-olds stick up their middle finger yelling fuck 12 at the cops I didn't even think they could count that high Yo, thank y'all so much.