Michael Moses

Hey, what's up, awesome. I call my mom today, which is a chore. Hey, mom, how you doing? What's going on? Nothing, same as always, Michael. I'm like, lady, this is for you. This call ain't for me. It's a chore. I don't, like, I don't talk to my mom ever. Like, growing up, I didn't even deliver her messages to her. Like, you know when you're a kid and you're at a friend's house and their parent looks at you and goes, say hi to your mom for me? I'd be like, nah, she's not getting it. I'm not a medieval messenger, also. I'm not walking in my... Hear ye, hear ye, mother. Fucking lady from down the block says hi. I remember the first time I got that, I was at a friend's house, and he had a single dad. And his single dad looked at me, I could hear the tone in his voice change. He went, yo, say hi to your mom for me. Even in that moment, I was like, nah, I am not helping. and you fuck my mom, bro. She ain't getting it. All right, you guys are awesome. My name is Michael.

Oh, what's up Austin? I'm happy to be here man. Happy to be outta the house. Girl's mad at me right now. Just had a message on my phone. Message popped up, she looked at it. She goes, who's Amber? I was like, bitch, a kid is missing. Alright. I'm not Muslim. I'm not Muslim. I know I look Muslim but I'm not. I got a white mom, she's very white. She's on a cruise ship right now. Okay. But like, And I grew up in a small town in Canada, 3000 people. So Muslim people, they passed me and they're like, Oleum. I'm like, dingdong dude, I have no idea what the fuck that is. My mom very white. She's very white. She's like I said, she's on a cruise ship. She married, she remarried white. This dude's so white. His name's Mark with a C. Alright. Mark wears jean shorts. Alright. Every time he gets startled he's like, oh jeepers. White mark's so white. He jumps in the water like this. Okay. Okay. Plugs his nose. He's a grown man. I go, mark, jump into the water. Let the water go up your nose, snot rocket it out and push it towards another family. Like a man. He goes, nah, it stinks. Alright, my name is Michael Moses, thank you so much.