Matt Markman

So none of my friends have kids. They have no idea what I'm going with. My best friend says to me, he goes, what would you do if your son turns out to be gay? I was like, you know what? Wouldn't bother me at all. I'd love him either way, because I don't think being gay is a choice. That's what I think. Gay's not being a choice. But you know what is a choice? Whether he's a top or a bottom, and he better pick the right choice there. I'm not raising the fucking bottom. Get out of here with that bottom shit. I like to fuck with people. I was trying to buy a belt the other day, and the guy says to me, he goes, hey, can I help you find something? I said, I'm looking for a belt. He said, what's the occasion? I said, autoerotic exphyxiation. I knew you guys would know what that shit was. Here's what I might you guys try this. This is so much fun. Go to a nice suit store, like a Barneys or Nordstrom's. Pick out a beautiful Italian leather belt. And instead of trying it on around your waist, get it up around your neck. Just do it. Do it for a look on their face. lose their shit. Just be like, no, that's not it. Get another one. What goes with blue? I don't know. Thank you guys very much. Appreciate it.