Shari Vasseghi

Oh, my God. Did you guys see that homeless woman with her tits hanging out on 6th Street? Yeah, wearing a mask. Yeah, I said, what are you, a Democrat? So I am originally. I am originally from Iran, Nebraska. Yeah. I was at the airport, and I don't know if you've seen that sign that says no guns allowed in the airplane. Yeah, you know, that same sign in the Middle East reads, no stones allowed in the airplane. But AK-47 is okay, because those virgins can get out of control. I got guns in my head, and it won't go. Spheres in my head, and it won't go. I got guns. And then another sign right under that that reads, Not Responsible for Lost Lems. I got guns in my head and it won't go. Oh, you missed the stone. Oh, you missed me

Good evening, virgins and gentlemen. I am Sheikh Ahmed. I teach a one minute workshop to infidels. How to treat your virgin. First, bend your knees. Second, you throw the hijab at the virgin. Cover yourself up. Cover yourself up. Cover yourself up. And third, you dodge for anything the virgin throws back at you. Hong Kong. I, we have a saying in Middle East. An eye for an eye. And where are the virgins? They should go to Chick-fil-A. The Chick-fil-A. That's where the virgins are. Well, in Middle East we don't have Bring your child to work day because it gets too crowded at seven 11. Anyone needs a ride? My Ubers park outside. Thank you very much. I am not here to bomb anyone.

Thank you. Thank you. I am originally from Iran. Yeah. Where women traditionally don't have dicks. No. Just mustaches. Yeah. You know what the safe word is for Middle Eastern women? Yeah. Hashtag hashtag. Not all lives matter. Keeping it real. I have a friend who's so obsessed about the size of her boyfriend's dick. She's so happy. I mean, do women who care about size, do they have like a measuring tape in their, you know, nightstand? Every time a new guy comes along they're like, Ooh, let's measure that. They go, you know who I know for sure has a measuring tape? No, no, not me. Not me. Kim Kardashian. What do you think? She uses a DeWalt Stanley or the circumference of her mouth? Sherry Beji has done it again. ROB SCHNEIDER.