Matthew Delgado

Hello. I just turned 25. The hair is fucked up, dude. I was not really. ready for this. I used to have like long curly hair and he used to flow and I used to be like hot and jacked. Just believe me, dude. But I swear I used to be like a huge player. I used to lie and cheat and sleep around. I think that's why God took the hair. He's like, you want to act like a dick? You're going to look like one. I was like. That's fair. I just moved to Texas from New York, which was kind of tough. I was living with my family in New York. And it was tough to move here because I don't really have good credit, which that shit pisses me off because they don't teach you about credit in high school. You know what I mean? Like, they just teach you about Anne Frank for four years, but they don't say shit about credit. Now I can't get an apartment. I'm living in my friend's attic, writing in my joke book and shit. I'm hiding from the debt collectors. If those Jews find me, they're going to kill me. All right, that's it. Thank you.