Patrick Schwall

Hey, what's up, everybody? Yeah, my name is Patrick. I'm kind of a weird guy. Occasionally I masturbate. Someone once, a friend of mine, he told me a sore dick is kind of like a good deal. You just can't beat it. I really got to take a break, kid, he told me. Thankfully, I don't have a kid because I beat my dick. If my dick were a kid, I probably wouldn't have custody of it because I'd beat the shit out of it. It's bad. If my dick were some eggs, they'd be scrambled. But I'm working on cooking them over easy, if you know what I mean. Kind of like a couple of poached eggs for a nice Benedict. I've got the hollandaise. Hakuna matata, am I right? More like I hakuna my own tata too much. It's not good, really. You don't want to see my dick.