B Lee

Oh, my size microphone. It's a big deal for me. I get haircuts for this. I get a lot of different reactions on the haircut, though. Younger comic told me, Mealy, you look like you're in your 20s and 40s at the same time. Had a little girl run up to me, said, you look like Jason Mamoa, the wish.com version. Heckler told me, I looked like Jason Mamoa if he was Aquaman who only lived in a puddle. Your laughter indicates you think these are insults, but I took him as a compliment. Because prior to the Mamoa, I was getting Walmart Mark Wahlberg. I'm fairly certain as just Donnie Wahlberg. But I can never be Donnie. Not because of the singing, dancing, acting. He can barely do that. It's because he married Jenny McCarthy. And yes, Jenny was a masturbatory fantasy in my teens and 20s. But 40-year-old me knows that would be a sexless marriage because she's trying to end autism and you can't do that by fucking a retard