Ronaldo Mercado

Good to see you guys. I am a Mexican guy. I'm a half. My mom is white. My dad is missing. I was raised by a single mom. My mom had to raise me herself. So she had to be like a single mom. She had to do both things at the same time, you know? My mom had to fill my dad's shoes, which is hard, you know? Because my mom had to be a mom and a Mexican dad. Do you know how hard that is? My mom had to take me to baseball practice, and then she had to mow the outfield afterwards, okay? I'm serious. My mom had to put a roof over my head, literally. She built it. She shingled it, okay? My mom had to build a table so she could get paid underneath it, okay? All right? And I think if it was like that for me, that means it's like that for other kids who also have mixed-race parents, but only have one parent in the house, right? So that means that somewhere out there, there is a black mom who has to be a white dad. And every day she has to go up to her kid and go, hey, you ready, Freddie?

So guys, I've lived here. I've lived in Austin for about a year now. I haven't been able to fit in yet. I've lived here for a year. Everybody here, they're hot. People look good. They care about diet, exercise. Ugh. That's why I like the rest of Texas. I fit in in the rest of Texas. Here in Austin. I wear an extra large, I'll admit that this is an extra large T-shirt. I weigh 2 25. You can see my belly when I put my hands in the air. Fuck you guys. I don't care. Okay. In Austin, this is fat, but in the rest of Texas, I look pretty good. Okay. When I go down to San Antonio, I am petite. Okay. Alright. I was here in Austin. I had to ride a lime scooter last week. I'm not proud of it, but I did. I had to be somewhere fast and I was on my lime scooter, and it's a bad look. You can admit that the lime scooter's a bad look. This bing, bing. It's a bad look. But I had a ride on outta necessity when I was on my lime scooter. Another dude rode past me on his lime scooter, and when he rode past me, he looked me in the eyes and he gave me one of those, like, it was a fucking Jeep sink. Like we were in a club together. Don't do that. Okay. Look, if you give somebody a little wave on a motorcycle, hell's Angels, you give 'em a wave on a lime scooter. Charlie's Angels, it's a lot different, I think. I think you can have a secret wave on the lime scooter. The guys on the lime scooter can have a wave, but it's gotta be this right here.

Hey. Hey. How's it going? We're gonna have some fun. You guys. Think about killing yourself. Anybody? Okay. A couple honest people. That's cool. I think about it. I think about it. I, I don't know. I don't know if I'm gonna do anything about it, but I think about it. I, I think about suicide. Like I think about home renovation. I'm gonna do it eventually. Well, let's be honest. It would be a lot easier if I paid somebody to do it for me. Suicide's fun. Not fun. Interesting Suicide's. Interesting. I was drive, how we try to prevent it is interesting. I was driving over a bridge that was over this big old river. And right when you get halfway across the bridge, right in the middle of the bridge, they have a little sign with the number for the suicide hotline, which seems like it's too late. You could have put it at the beginning of the bridge in the middle. You might as well put the number at the bottom of the river and it would do the exact same thing. You could take a QR code for better help, put it on a bullet, put it in a gun, put it in your mouth, pull the trigger. It would do the same thing as that sign on that bridge. They're not doing it enough. It's too late at that point. That's like putting an ad for condoms in a delivery room. That's like putting an ad for birth control at the bottom of a flight of steps.