Mason Smith

What's up, guys? How you doing? I went on a date with the girl recently. We were boozing it up. We were drinking. And after you. the day we're walking to her car, she goes, hey, when we get to my car, don't judge me. I was like, what the fuck does that mean? It's a weird thing to tell somebody after a first date, you know? Like, what, do you have a dick or something? And I'm a progressive guy. I tug on it. It's not gay if there's tities. Bit of a loophole I found. So we get to her car, and she pulls out a breathalizer to start the car. And I was like, shit, lady, I've had three of those. That's nothing to be embarrassed. about. And then she goes, well, this is what I mean, and I'm just like, penis, penis, penis, penis. And then she reached into her back seat and she pulled out an industrial strength air mattress inflator, you know, the reverse vacuum. She put it to her breathalyzer. The car started. I didn't know whether I was terrified or turned on. Then she handed me a Cold Miller light from her console. She said, buckle up, stupid. You're in for a good night.