Luke Aaron

Dating is hard nowadays. I was sleeping with this one girl. I absolutely loved her. I would have done anything for her. But it turns out she had no heart beat. It annoys me when old people say, oh, you guys have it so easy nowadays. Like, yeah, y'all had to go to war or whatever, but we also had to deal with trauma. You know, I remember I was like, we had to deal with porn advertisements. I remember I was like 12 years old, and I looked up nude girl with breasts. And then all of a sudden an ad pops up for where, you know, there was, a midget that got gang banged by basketball people. You know, that, that shit scarred me. Oh, boy. Yeah, yeah. So for the old people, for their trauma, they got called a hero and got a purple heart. All I got was called a pervert and got a purple boner. All right, thank you.

I'm from Wisconsin. And most people don't know much about Wisconsin other than that we have cheese. And believe it or not, I did work at a cheese factory. I was one of the guys that made sure all the Swiss cheese had holes in it. No, just kidding. I wish that was my job. My job was actually making sure those guys stayed hard. Thank you. Speaking of hard, being an adult is hard. As a kid, everything felt like an adventure, and now everything just kind of feels like a responsibility. Like, I get stressed out even just leaving my house. I'm like, am I on time? Did I turn off the oven? Did I pay rent? Phone, wallet, key? micro penis. All right, I'm good to go. Now, I'm just kidding. It's actually not that small. The last time I had sex, she said that it was perfect size. At least I think that's what she would have said, but I don't speak squirrel. All right. Thank you. That's all I got.

I think that people need to stop making fun of Lizzo. I mean, she's one of the most popular artists of our generation. And I just heard that she's starring in a new anime show. I'm not sure if y'all have heard of it. It's Avatar, the last chair Bender. I think it's funny that people use the same word of the thing that turns them on also as an insult. Like a girl will be like, I need some dick right now. And then she'll also be like, that guy's being such a dick. But then guys will do it too. They'll be like, you know, I can't wait to get some pussy tonight. And then they'll be like, bro, why are you being such a pussy? But I mean, I'd be lying if I said that. I don't also do that because I say to my friend, come on man, why are you being such a retard? You know? I'm sorry if that joke offends you. I'm just looking for my special someone. Thank you. That's all I got.