Greg McCowan

What's going on, Austin? What's up? Oh, so a lot's been going on in my life recently. I started dating this new girl. She's actually very spontaneous. And I speak for a lot of men here when I say we love spontaneous women. Like, she's the type of girl that be like, and she'll be like, I want you to put my dick in the Cheerios and let me drink the milk out of the bowl. That's the type of spontaneity I like. That's the type of spontaneity. I think it was because, like, my last girl, she wasn't really spontaneous. Spontaneous. I love how everybody laughed at that. Yeah, she was not really spontaneous at all, bro. She was hella crazy. She was hella fucking crazy. Like, it's crazy when you find out she's crazy halfway Monopoly. Very crazy. Like halfway through the game, she'll just say stuff that's like passive aggressive to try to hurt me. She'll be saying stuff like, how you buying up all the houses around the board, yet we're playing Monopoly in a studio apartment? Like let that make sense, bitch. Like, it shit made no sense. The shit made no fucking sense. It's fucking crazy. Especially when she's like...

Yo, what's going on? Kill Tony. Yo, recently I've been trying to date, but it's been very hard with an Android phone because for some reason, iPhone users always discriminate on me based off the color of my text messages. You know what I mean? It's always weird. Like, every time I'm in a club and I'm trying to talk to a girl, I feel like Martin Luther King. I'm like, I have a dream that one day green messages in blue messages. We'll wait that they come together. You know what I mean? It was great. Like, I can imagine I'll have, like, a group of Android supporters behind me leaving the club. They'll be chatting shit like, green or blue, we don't care. Let us see your underwear. Like, shit's crazy. Across the street, you know what I'm saying? You'll see, like, the Android supporters, I mean, the iPhone supporters. And they'll be saying shit like, well, if he ain't blue, then he can't come through or shit like that. You know what I'm? I mean