Jonathan Jernigan

Anybody ever change your entire personality because of a TV show? I just stopped wearing my glasses because of that one show. Dommer. Still eat people, but that's just for the flavor. But I'm actually not a comedian. I'm just here to announce my candidacy for mayor of the Friend Zone. I've been a pretty good city councilman. I feel like I'm ready for the push for the big office. First initiative is to tackle the homeless situation. I saw this homeless couple strung out on the side of the road, and I just felt horrible. I'm just like, this dude has a girlfriend. What the hell am I doing wrong? It's my fault, though. I don't have the most commanding person. If I were like in a biker gang, it would be sons of Applebee's. Like going out of a date with me is so cold. It's how it feels a two five gum. But y'all been, we'll just end it there. Thank you very much.