Michael A Keaton

You know how embarrassing it is to be named after a Batman and having to hobble out here like the penguin? Oh man, it's, like it's an interesting life. Like, so many people, like, they assume that they don't know what my politics are going to be. Just, they're like, look at this guy. It's like, he has to lean right. You guys are fun. I became a homeowner recently. Yeah, yeah, thank you, thank you. It's a rab four. Oh, man. I live in it, so it's more of a rab fort, okay? I'm getting older in my life. Like, you know, I've gotten to the point. I think, like, my favorite candy now or cough drops, you know? They're just menthol-flavored jolly ranchers, you know? I've hit the point in my life where it's, like, I'm pretty sure the only reason I masturbate is for prostate health, you know? Like, my partner walks in on me. It's like, what are you thinking about it? I'm just sitting there, like, cancer.