Matt Campbell

Hello. Has anyone got crap nicknames? Show of hands if they have a crap nickname? No? Just me? Fuck you guys. All right. No, I just wanted to say because, like, you know, when you get a crap nickname, like, bugger face or, like, numpty or something horrible like that. Jelly roll. Maybe you could attest. Maybe you could attest. I don't know. But it always comes from the ones you love. You know what I mean? It's never from people you hate. Like my granddad, when I was a fat kid, called me Buster Bacon. Not as bad as my little brother. He called him Adolf. And his justification for all that was is whenever he screamed, he got exactly what he wanted. I mean, he could have called him Donald. It would have worked the same. It's all right, though. My dad sealed the name deal with my brother. Because my brother came out of the closet and his name is. Benedict. That's already, I'm British, my brother's name's Benedict, I'm already at a good start. And my brother on the couch just yells, dad, the door is ringing, and my dad just goes, yeah, bendy dick.

Hello I'm English or as you lot like to call me gay. Thank you for that I had expectations when I came to this country, guys. Everything I learned about you lot is filtered through the media you send my way. So when I was coming up, high school musical coming out. What the fuck was that? An all-white basketball team on a state championship? Fuck right off. I was also disappointed. the sequel didn't involve a school shooting scene. I was completely unprepared for these high school drills, guys. You have to understand, I didn't know a shit about basketball. Fuck me, sideways. My dad's South African, which means I'm genetically racist. But he has a poster of Mandela.